Advice
by TwoTails
Summary: NOW COMPLETE! Kakashi, Genma and Kotetsu are having trouble getting dates. A LOT of trouble. They're so desperate they start asking the other men of Konoha for advice, which they take for better or for much much worse. T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Hello again everybody! It's good to be back. Here's a fun one from me for a change. I'm taking a stab at comedy, and I hope I do ok. Let me know if I do or not, ok?.

I have to establish a few facts before we begin. This story takes place after the Third Hokage's death, and after Tsunade has been installed as 5th Hokage, and let's say Sasuke comes home of his own free will too ok? And because I had to "interview" male characters, let's pretend that Hayate is not dead. I think Raidou bit it somewhere along the line too, but for this story he's not dead either. I needed these two characters to have enough semi-recognizable men to "interview." You'll see what I mean. I've also taken a few liberties with the characters themselves - their personalities. Since two of them, we really don't know a whole lot about anyway, I've "bent" them to fit this story. Genma is a smart ass, Kotetsu is the "nice guy" who lives with Izumo, and Kakashi is very much Kakashi. I hope you like them.

Also, this is my first fanfic without lemons! Don't be disappointed, it's DRIPPING with inuendo, and reference to the horizontal hokey-pokey throughout the whole thing, but no official fruit will actually appear. Oh, and I will warn you, that these guys are frustrated and easily pissed off so there's quite a bit of language riddled throughout. It's not excessive, but you've been warned none the less.

So, with the customary statement saying, "I don't own Naruto or anything associated with it," except my own collection of manga and cards, let's get on with the show! I hope you enjoy it!

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Normally they didn't hang around together much. Sure they knew each other, because they worked together, but socially, they didn't run "in the same circles." Unfortunately, their similar circumstances had caused them to be aware of each other, and they began to meet regularly to compare notes on their own situations.

They had practically started a new club. A "losers" club. Three lone men, newly christened members of said club. Not particularly losers, but their luck had been failing them – considerably – sinking them into deepening despair. All three wondered where they went wrong. What had they done to piss off the universe so badly that none of them had had a date in such a long time? Whatever it was, it wasn't ending any time soon. And they all knew it.

While sitting around the Konoha academy grounds, two of the "members" started talking about it again, trying to figure it all out.

Genma asked around the senbon he rolled around his mouth, "How long is it now?"

Kotetsu answered, "Five months."

"You're kidding."

Kotetsu turned and glared at him, "Do I look like I'm kidding. You know it's been that long."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, you are. Just as "sorry" as my ass is. You're no better. How long has it been for you?"

"Not quite as long as you. Four months."

"Still a considerable amount of time to go dateless."

Genma began to pace. "What the hell is wrong with us? We never had this problem before? Chicks dug us!"

"Yeah! We were always a hit with the ladies!"

"But now they don't even look at us."

"Yeah and when they do,"

"It's almost like they're freaked out or something."

"Or worse, like we disgust them."

"Oh man, we are so fucked."

"Not so much anymore! Still, we need to figure out what the hell we have to do to get back in their good graces again."

Both men sighed and fell silent for a bit, looking around for the appearance of their "third" member. He usually met them about this time, always being late as was his habit. They saw him coming up the road to meet them.

"Yo," was all Kakashi said to them, his nose pressed firmly in the latest installment of his favorite Icha Icha series.

Genma and Kotetsu both gave him a very unceremonious, "hey."

Kakashi sat down, never taking his eyes off his book. The three losers sat there in silence, two of them looking around the academy grounds. Students were wandering about, instructors were loitering, and even Tsunade and Shizune were outside today. It was a gorgeous day and everyone seemed to be outside and happy, everyone, that is, except for the three members of the losers club.

Genma let out another big sigh, "It's so nice out today. Man, I'd love to be walking with a hot woman on my arm, showing her off to everyone. Breaking my losing streak in public."

"In your dreams," Kotetsu mumbled at him.

"Yeah, that's all I get anymore, dream girls."

"At least you get that. That frigging Izumo keeps bringing his girlfriend home and I have to HEAR what they're doing all the time. The walls are thin man, I'm telling you! I am one frustrated ninja!"

Kakashi poked his nose around the side of his book and looked at Kotetsu and said, "You don't say?"

Kotetsu said, "Somehow I knew that'd get your attention, perv."

Kakashi just said, "Huh," and went back to his reading.

Genma finally said, "This is getting ridiculous. I'm dreaming about women, you're hearing women, but not getting any yourself, and you," he said pointing at Kakashi, "I don't know what the hell you're doing, but this dry spell has got to end. Pretty soon the women of this village are going to think there's something REALLY wrong with us, and they won't EVER date us." Kotetsu looked at him with a bit of fear in his eyes, and Kakashi peeked around the side of his book at him. Genma had struck a nerve with his two fellow members.

Kotetsu said, "Well then what the hell do you suggest we do? We've tried just about everything."

Genma thought a minute and then said, "There are other guys around here who are getting dates. I mean creepy guys like Ibiki – hell he's dated two different girls this week – he brags about it all over the academy. The dude's got scars man, scars enough to make you want to puke, and he's getting dates with hot girls!"

Kotetsu said, "I heard him mentioning dates too! No way. That guy freaks ME out."

Genma continued, "Yeah, you'd think girls would be terrified of him, not only from the way he looks, but for God's sake the man is a professional _torturer!_"

"I guess he's attracting girls who are into S&M or something," Kotetsu said. Kakashi's eyes wandered to Kotetsu and took note of his mention of S&M, and then went back to his reading.

Genma said, "I don't care what kind of girls they are, they're girls! Females of the species! And that freak of nature dated two of them this week! Come on, we're good looking guys, what are we doing wrong?"

Kotetsu said, "I don't know, but obviously Ibiki's doing something right. And guess what I heard. I heard that Ebisu's been sniffing around Shizune! No shit! Here I am thinking he's a snobby little closet pervert or something, and he's after Tsunade's assistant. The balls he must have. She'd eat him alive."

"If he's lucky."

Kotetsu said, "So these guys, guys who are no match for us,"

"None whatsoever," Genma agreed.

"Are out there dating women, and we three fine examples of mankind are sitting around dateless all the time. I just don't get it."

Genma said, "And none of us ever will at the rate we're going. Kakashi, you've been very quiet today. Put the book down and help us figure this out."

Kakashi knew that he wasn't going to make it to his next chapter if he didn't help his fellow members out. He himself had been victim of the same "dry spell" and was having a bit of a problem finding a girl to go out with too. He figured if he ever wanted to finish the book he was reading, he'd have to play this little game with them, and maybe find a solution to all their problems. After he cleared his throat, Kakashi began,

"Gentlemen, we are obviously not doing something right. I myself have not had a decent date in seven months." Genma and Kotetsu grimaced at him with bulging eyes. He continued, "Yes, I know that's quite a shock, and it's quite a shock for me too. I can't remember when I went this long without . . . female companionship. But there is evidence that the other men of the village are having no problem whatsoever with the ladies which means two things: 1.They're doing something right and 2. We're not. Therefore, I have come up with a brilliant plan." He waited and looked at their faces, their eager eyes looked back at him like he was some kind of super brilliant genius.

Genma practically shouted at him, "What Kakashi, tell us!"

Kotetsu agreed, "Please, what do we do!"

Kakashi closed his eyes and smiled behind his mask and said, "We ask their advice."

Both Kotetsu and Genma looked a little stunned and Kotetsu said, "What? Why? What the hell Kakashi? That's some brilliant plan?"

Kakashi looked at him and said, "You got a better one?"

Kotetsu looked at Genma and they both shrugged. Kakashi was right. They needed some advice on what the ladies in Konoha were looking for these days, and the best way to find out was to ask the guys who were getting those ladies.

Genma said, "OK, where do we start."

Kakashi said, "We need to make a list of whom we want to ask. Guys we work with who are actively, successfully dating. Not just men who are dating the same woman all the time, but also men who are dating multiple women. We need to find out what they are doing to keep them happy."

Kotetsu said, "I'd be happy just finding out how to get them interested in the first place."

Kakashi pointed at him and said, "Good point. We'll start there. But first, we need a list."

Genma said, "Ok, write this down Kakashi. We already have two successful men to ask, Ibiki and Ebisu."

Kotetsu said, "Right! And Hayate's been dating an Anbu woman for a long time now, we should ask him too."

Genma said, "Good, good. Who else? Asuma's always had good luck with the ladies."

Kotetsu said, "Dude that guy's a frigging horse. He's probably hung like one too."

Genma looked at him and said, "Did you need to say that? That's an image I did not need in my head thank you. Come on focus! Put Asuma on the list Kakashi."

Kakashi just grunted and wrote down Asuma's name.

Genma said, "Iruka. Yeah, put him down. I think he's dating someone too. He'd be a good resource. Now, who else. . ."

Kotetsu said, "Raidou's seeing someone. Put him down."

Genma said, "What about Izumo. Can we ask him?"

Kotetsu said, "No way, I couldn't let him know how pathetic I really am. Let's skip him."

Genma agreed, "Alright, we'll skip him. This list is getting pretty long anyway. How many more?"

"Just a few. We've got a good variety of people right now." Kotetsu stopped for a minute, and smiled so big that his almond shaped eyes got very thin. He looked right at Kakashi, who felt him looking at him, but didn't raise his head from the list he was making. Kotetsu looked over at Genma and motioned at him to hold on a second. Genma nodded and watched as Kotetsu said very matter of factly, "Put Gai on the list."

Kakashi's face snapped up and looked at him and he said, "NO! Absolutely not! I won't ask Gai for advice on anything! No fucking way you'll get me to do it."

Kotetsu very calmly and quietly said again, "Put Gai on the list."

Kakashi was a little panic stricken at just the thought of asking his life long rival for advice on his love life. He said, "You're not going to let this drop are you?"

Kotetsu said, "Nope."

Kakashi said, "I won't do it. You two will have to do it. There's no way. He'll ruin me! It'll blow my winning streak if he thinks he's beating me in the love department. You two do it and let me know what he says."

Genma decided to let Kakashi off the hook, "Ok, calm yourself. Put your eye back in its socket. You're starting to make me nervous, so just settle down. We'll take care of it." Kakashi immediately became himself again.

The three were quiet for a few minutes, their brains buzzing with activity trying to think if there were any other men in the village who were successfully dating, or at least saying they were, and who were also approachable. Kakashi looked up and said, "I know this is going to sound crazy, but what the hell. Let's ask Jaraiya."

The other two members looked at him with shock and Genma shouted, "What, that letch? You've got to be kidding! He gets turned down more than we do!"

Kakashi said, "True, but you've never seen him in action outside the village. I've seen him. It's frightening. He gets these young girls to follow him around. I'm not kidding. I don't know what he does to get them interested, but I think we should ask him anyway."

Kotetsu said, "Alright, put him on the list. Who've we got?"

Kakashi read the list: "Ibiki, Ebisu, Hayate, Asuma, Iruka, Raidou, the Green Goblin, I mean Gai, and Jaraiya. Eight in all. If we don't find some enlightenment or at least some ideas from these guys, we might as well hang it up."

Genma said, "Alright. When do we start?"

Kotetsu said, "I'd say right now, but how about we think of what we want to ask tonight and we start tomorrow. Any objections?" Genma and Kakashi shook their heads "no."

Kakashi said, "Tomorrow it is. Any preference with who we start with?"

Kotetsu said, "I know Ibiki's going to be in town tomorrow. Wanna start with him?"

Genma said, "I thought he freaked you out."

"Yeah, that's part of the reason I want to get him out of the way first."

Kakashi said, "OK it's decided. We start with Ibiki tomorrow. Meet here at 3:00."

The three members of the losers club then disbanded their meeting and went to their respective homes to think of just what the hell they were going to ask Ibiki, without making him laugh himself to death at their dateless lameness.

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**A/N:** And we're off! Just what are these three going to ask Ibiki? Next chapter will tell. I hope you like it so far. Please review if you do! Lots more to come.

Next up: The three members ask Ibiki for advice, they take it, two embarrass themselves, one gets slightly injured. See you soon!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Hi again! Let's get INTENSE shall we? We are talking about Ibiki here. I hope you enjoy!

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At 3:00 the next afternoon, a slightly nervous Genma and Kotetsu sat waiting for their third member to show up. Late as usual, Kakashi wandered over to them, book in hand, and said, "So how are we going to do this?"

Kotetsu said, "I have no idea. Ibiki is going to think we're some real pansies. Plus, I don't even like to look at that fucked up face of his. Ooh, he's not ugly, he's ooogly."

Genma said, "Don't worry about it. I've got a plan, and it's pretty easy to follow. I'll start and you two follow my lead. We'll get him to spill his secrets, just you wait."

The three of them headed off to the academy to find Ibiki who had just finished his lectures on the benefits of torturing captives with small instruments. They approached him, Kotetsu pushing Genma ahead a little to block his view of the man, and Kakashi following behind with his nose pressed in his book.

Genma said, "Ibiki! Hey. Just the guy we wanted to see."

Ibiki turned, rubbed his torturing hands together, and barked at them, "To what do I owe the pleasure guys?"

Kotetsu poked Genma in the back, hoping he'd get on with it. Genma started, "Ibiki, we need some advice." Kotetsu and Kakashi both thought this was a pretty straight forward way to approach a pretty straight forward kind of guy. Both silently praised Genma for taking the lead. Both were impressed with the way he was starting things off. Then Genma continued, "Kotetsu here has this girl he likes," and Kotetsu glared daggers at the back of Genma's head. Genma started again, "and he's tried everything, but she's just not interested. Kakashi and I have given him all kind of tips and things to try, but he's just a miserable failure." Kotetsu growled at Genma and clenched his fists. Kakashi stifled a giggle, quite grateful that he wasn't the victim in this charade.

Genma said, avoiding Kotetsu's attempt to punch him in the kidneys, "We were wondering, since you seem to be having quite a successful week with the ladies, what you've been doing to get so lucky? Anything special you'd be willing to share with our loser friend here? We figured we'd approach a master. So what do ya say?"

Ibiki puffed his chest out and said, "Yes indeed. I have had some luck with the ladies this week. In fact, I've been having good fortune for quite some time now. Kotetsu my boy, you've just got to know what women want, and here's what they want," two of the members leaned a little closer to the scarred torturer, except for Kotetsu, he was still totally freaked by his scars. Ibiki said, "be intense!" The three of them jumped back from the sudden loud response, and exchanged questioned glances.

Ibiki said, "When you find a woman you'd like to get to know better, stare into her eyes. Look into her soul. When she looks back at you, look like you FEEL her eyes on you. Then when you talk to her, actually try to FEEL her when she talks to you.

Kotetsu who looked rather lost said, "Feel them when they talk to you? You mean like reach out and grab a handful or something?"

Ibiki said, "Yeah, and get yourself slapped, idiot. He really does need my help doesn't he?" Kakashi and Genma nodded furiously. "No Kotetsu, what I'm trying to say is to "feel" what they're saying. Listen to them intently. Pay attention to them. Act like they're the hottest, sexiest, most wonderful thing in the world. And do this with intensity! Let them know, mostly with your eyes, that they are your target and nothing else matters but them. That way you don't have to talk so much and screw things up. Try it! The ladies I've hooked up with loved it."

Genma looked at Kakashi who shrugged back at him and Genma nodded his head. He hit Kotetsu on the arm and Kotetsu said, "Well, thanks for the advice Ibiki. I guess if it's worked for you, it'll work for "me" just as well. Thanks, better be going." Kotetsu turned on his heels and left the room, Genma and Kakashi trailing behind him.

They went back to their regular "meeting place" which was pretty much just a large rock in the middle of the academy grounds, and they sat down to compare notes. Kotetsu started right away, "What the hell Genma making me the loser!"

"News flash! You ARE a loser. We all are until we score some women OK. This was the only thing I could think of. We got the advice we wanted right?"

"Yeah, so what do we do with it now?"

"We try it out of course! While it's still fresh in our heads, we try it out. Now, where do we go where we can look INTENSELY at women, stare into their souls and stuff."

Kotetsu added, "And we don't have to talk much, and we can FEEL what they're saying when they do say it."

Kakashi said, "I've got it."

They both turned and looked at him, waiting.

Kakashi said, "The Library."

Genma and Kotetsu looked at him like he had grown an extra head. Kakashi decided to clarify himself, "The Library you morons. We can stare intently at women there, the place is always full of college girls, plus lots of women work there, and you can't talk a lot there, so what you do say has to count! It'll work."

Genma and Kotetsu nodded in agreement and Kotetsu said, "The Library it is. But how am I going to tell my future grandchildren, that I picked up their grandmother in a library? It just sounds so desperate."

Genma said, "Dude, we are desperate."

Kakashi stood up and pointed, "To the Library!"

Off the three members went to intensely search out potential dates at the local public library.

- - -

Soon they arrived outside the library doors, where they made their final plans. Kakashi took over as "mission" leader and said, "Alright you guys listen up. Get in there, spread out and try and find someone interesting. Be quiet, be INTENSE with your eyes, make the few words you say really count, and feel them when they're talking to you. But keep your hands to yourself. No "feeling" feeling. Got it?"

Both Genma and Kotetsu who were quite fired up by Kakashi's little pep-talk/infomercial for picking up chicks at the library shouted, "RIGHT!" and burst through the doors with Kakashi following behind them. Genma went left, Kotetsu went right, and Kakashi went straight up the middle of the Library. He already had his target in mind, but first he had to find her.

Genma strolled through the periodicals, glancing slightly right and left until he found a girl who seemed to be in her early twenties with a magazine spread out in front of her. Genma began to stare at her forehead and top of her head. He reached out and indiscriminately picked up a magazine, making sure to make a little noise so the woman knew he was there. There were two tables between her and the magazine stand he was picking up his book from. He intently stared at her and she almost immediately felt his eyes on her. She slowly looked up, and he slowly brought the magazine up more toward his face, wanting her to only see the top of his face over the top of the magazine. He did this so he could roll his senbon in his mouth without her seeing it, a habit he always did to keep his nerves in check and intensify his concentration. He thought to himself, _Intensity! Yeah! I've got this. Ibiki is brilliant! This is working!_ He kept staring at her and her mouth dropped open. Genma thought he had a shot until she started laughing at him. She covered her mouth to keep from laughing out loud at him. He didn't understand why. _What the hell? That was going really well, what the fuck is the problem?_ Then he looked at the "Ladies Home Journal" magazine he was holding and understood why she was laughing. He put it down completely embarrassed and walked away.

Meanwhile, Kotetsu was making his way though the self-help section, not even scanning the book titles, just scanning the reading tables for a potential target. As he rounded another shelf of books he noticed a very attractive young lady at the far end of the aisle, sitting with her chin in her hand reading a book at a table by herself. He thought _she's cute. I've definitely got to try this intensity thing on her! _So he wandered a little closer to her and then cleared his throat so he didn't scare her. She glanced up at him and smiled at him slightly to acknowledge him. He immediately returned her slight smile and focused his eyes intently on hers. She seemed to straighten up a bit, as she returned his stare. Kotetsu thought, _this is good. This is working! That scarred freak really knows what he's talking about!_ Without breaking his concentrated staring, Kotetsu reached for a book from the shelf and pulling it out casually, and still staring at her, he walked over to her and said quietly, "is this seat taken?"

"No, help yourself," she said back to him, still continuing to return his intense look.

He sat down across from her, put the book down and watched her eyes as they casually broke from his. He thought, _she's just checking out the book I put down. She'll be back to me in a second._ And when her eyes did return to his, they were neutral and almost sorry looking. She gave him a sympathetic smile, stood up with her book, patted his arm and said, "Good luck," turned and left.

Kotetsu thought to himself, _what the fuck was that? I had her, I damn well had her! She was interested, what made it go so wrong?_ Then he looked at the book he'd put down, "The Gay Man's Guide to Coming Out of the Closet," and he slammed his head down on the book cursing his stupidity.

Down the center aisle of the library Kakashi walked with a purpose. He was intense from the get-go, knowing exactly what he was looking for, actually "who" he was looking for. He was making a bee-line right for the librarian herself. She was a young woman in her mid to late 20's. He had seen her here before and always thought she was cute. She'd helped him find reference books in the past, so she kind of knew him. He decided it was time for her to get to know him much better. He thought _time to see if old Ibiki was right_ as he saw her scanning in returned books to be re-shelved.

He walked unapologetically loudly, letting his sandals echo across the library floor. Since he moved quickly, the librarian had no choice but to notice him as he came toward her. Immediately he captured her eyes with his. She looked a little startled at his intensity, but let him approach her none the less. His eye bored into hers, looking into her, searching inside her, trying to feel her with his stare. Her breath quickened a little as he approached her desk and stood on the opposite side of it looking right into her. She said a little startled, "Kakashi! My, you seem to have quite a purpose here tonight. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Kakashi's perverted mind went into overdrive at that moment, but he controlled himself and reminded himself, _make every word count!_ He said, "I'm only here for one thing tonight."

She said to him, "Are you looking for a something that I can help you, uh locate?"

He continued to look at her as he said, "No I think I've found it."

She said, "But I don't see any books on you. Where is the book you've found?"

He said, "I've got it right here." And he reached in his pack and took out his Icha Icha book, and said, "I always carry my own reading material. Let me read you some,"

But before he could finish his sentence the librarian quickly glanced at the cover of the book and knew exactly what he wanted then. She quickly said, "Perv!" and smacked him right across the face. The sound of the smack resonated throughout the entire silent library. Everybody had to hear it. Then she turned to leave him, but not before pointing toward the door and saying, "Out. Now."

Kakashi sighed and put his book back in his pack and turned to head for the door. Genma was already there, Kotetsu was on his way. The three of them made eye contact with each other, mumbled incoherently to each other because they were still in the library, then put their heads down and walked out the door defeated. They cursed Ibiki all the way back to their meeting spot.

Genma said, "That scarred fuck! He doesn't know what the hell he's talking about!"

Kotetsu said, "I was doing alright until I blew it when I sat down."

Kakashi said, "My face hurts. I think I'm going to kill Ibiki."

Kotetsu said, "This isn't working so far guys. Do we really want to continue this? I can't take much more rejection."

Genma said, "Quit whining. Why don't we try Ebisu tomorrow? The guy's brilliant. He's got to have a smarter way of approaching women than staring them silly. Let's give him a try tomorrow."

Kakashi just said, "Alright, meet here tomorrow at 3:00 again, and we'll try and get some better advice from Ebisu. I need to go home ice my face."

Again they went their separate ways, all three defeated, one rubbing his still stinging face.

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**A/N: **Ok so far? There's much more fun coming up. Review if you like!

Next up: Ebisu's advice, and you won't believe WHERE the three members decide to go to try and meet women! See you soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Time to talk to Ebisu. Will he give the members good advice? You'll see. Enjoy!

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At 3:00 the next afternoon, the three members again met at their regular meeting place. The weather was a little less cooperative so they decided to have their "meeting" inside the academy itself. Kakashi was actually on time for once, which shocked Kotetsu and Genma, so much so that they asked if he was ok. All he said after he pulled his book away from his face was, "My face still hurts, and it reminded me of where I had to be and when." They noticed the red mark, that was probably left by one of the Librarian's fingers, shining angrily on the outside of Kakashi's exposed eye.

Genma started, "Listen guys, I don't want to take the lead on this one this time. Ebisu's got brains to burn. Kakashi, why don't you do it?"

Kakashi said, "Alright. He's done me favors in the past. I'll think of something."

Kotetsu said, "Just don't make me look like a big loser dork this time."

Genma said, "But you are a big loser dork. Nothing's changed since yesterday."

Kotetsu glared at Genma and growled at him. Kakashi said, "Boys, please. Cool it."

Genma said, "Shut up Kakashi, and cut the "boys" crap. I'm older than you."

Kakashi said, "Yeah, but the two of you are acting like Naruto and Sasuke – always at each other's throats. Just shut up, watch and learn."

The three of them approached Ebisu's office and Kakashi knocked quietly. Apparently Ebisu was very formal about how he was approached. If you barged in, you were sent back out to knock before you are asked to come in again. Kakashi figured if you play by the master's rules, the master may tell you his secrets. Ebisu bade them entrance and as soon as they walked in Kakashi started, "Ebisu, how've you been? Rumor has it you've been keeping company with a certain Hokage's assistant."

Ebisu snickered and pushed his glasses up higher on his nose. "You hear right Kakashi. Shizune is an amazing woman. Intelligent, gifted, and a medical ninja too. Very good company to have around. She can give me a beating and heal me afterward, if you get my meaning."

Genma and Kotetsu both stared at each other mouths agape. Genma stuck his finger in his, making a gagging reference. Ebisu asked, "What's wrong with them?"

Kakashi turned to them and wrinkled up his face and they both got his meaning. They shut up and listened to what Ebisu had to say. Kakashi continued, "So Ebisu, how'd a bookworm like you end up wooing a tightass, I mean, lovely lady like Shizune? I thought maybe she'd be out of your league."

Ebisu stuck his nose in the air and said, "Out of my league? Preposterous! You have no idea what it takes to win a woman like her."

Kakashi looked over his shoulder at his two minions and then back to Ebisu. He said, "Do tell."

Ebisu said, "Women like brainy men. They like intelligent conversation. It, stimulates them. Plus they view intelligent men as "inventive" shall we say."

Genma leaned toward Kakashi and whispered, "Math. I don't need to do any math right?"

Kakashi shushed him and said, "Continue Ebisu, what did you do to capture Shizune's interest?"

Ebisu continued, "I just talked to her in my most professional intelligent way, and spoke to her on her level. Plus, she is just enchanting to talk to. I'm telling you, women like brainy men!"

Kakashi said, "That's great for you Ebisu. I hope you have a long happy relationship."

Ebisu said, "I've got a secret for you Kakashi." All three of the members leaned in, as if they were saplings and a wind had just whipped up. "Intelligent women are quite, "experimental," if I may be so bold." That was all the three needed to hear. Ebisu was now their guiding light. He was their new shining god of the dating world.

Genma and Kotetsu nodded to Kakashi and he said, "Thanks for sharing that with us Ebisu, good luck with Shizune."

Ebisu said, "Oh I don't need luck Kakashi. Luck has nothing to do with it ha, ha!"

Kakashi, Genma and Kotetsu left Ebisu and walked down the hall. Genma said, "Experimental! OH come on Kakashi, I NEED some experimental!"

Kotetsu said, "I don't care if they're experimental, I just need some of anything! I'm dying here!"

Kakashi said, "Alright, here's the plan. We have to go somewhere where there are many intelligent women. Brilliant women who appreciate intelligent men. Women who enjoy men who can actually think and are brainy too."

Genma said, "Cripes Kakashi, where the hell are we going to be able to do that?"

Kakashi continued, "Somewhere we've been before, where we know the lingo, or we're at least familiar with it, so we sound like we're as smart as the women there are. We need to go somewhere we've all been, where the smart women are. . ."

Genma said, "I know where, but Kakashi, you're not going to like it." Kakashi looked at him questioningly. "We go to the hospital."

Kotetsu said, "Brilliant! We've all been there at least once. I think Kakashi's been there a record number of times."

Kakashi responded, "I hate hospitals."

Kotetsu said, "That's only because you've been there so much. You should be a master of the lingo at least with all the times you've had to be there after missions and stuff."

Genma said, "Yeah jeez, if you wouldn't get so beat up during your missions, you wouldn't have to be there so much."

Kakashi said, "You dick! No wonder you never have any dates, you're an asshole! You're no better."

Genma said, "I know! But come on. You're the master. Teach us some stuff to wow the ladies there with?"

Kotetsu looked off dreamily and said, "I think nurses are hot."

That got Genma and Kakashi thinking. Their gaze drifted away, as they imagined the women who worked at the hospital; Nurses, Doctors, and the beloved Candy Stripers. All were the beautiful beacons of hope, there to administer care and attention, all while walking around in their TIGHT WHITE UNIFORMS. Both men sighed as their imaginations ran away with them.

With the vision of nurses in tight white uniforms still fresh in his mind, Kakashi relented and said, "I'm in."

Genma agreed, "I am SO in."

Kotetsu said, "Good! Now we need to think up some stuff to talk to the hot waiting nurses about tomorrow, that will make them believe that we are the intelligent studs they've been waiting their whole lives for!"

Genma and Kakashi yelled, "Right!"

Kotetsu said, "I think we need some reference materials though. I don't really know that much about what goes on at hospitals."

Genma said, "Me neither, I was usually unconscious when I was there. What about you Kakashi? Do you have any reference material?"

Kakashi said, "I'm pretty sure I can pick something out of one of my Icha Icha books that would suit the purpose."

"Something intelligent about hospitals from a porn book?"

Kakashi smiled and said, "There's an Icha Icha for everything."

Kotetsu said, "Well I'm not going back to the Library after that fiasco yesterday."

Genma said, "Me neither that was way too embarrassing."

"I think I'll just use Izumo's computer. He'll probably be too busy doing his girlfriend tonight to notice me using it. I'll look up some medical jutsu stuff or something. Something that will make me sound smart."

Genma said, "Alright then! Everybody meet back here tomorrow at 3:00 and we'll, I never thought I'd ever say this in my life, go to the hospital to pick up some intelligent women!"

Kotetsu yelled, "In tight white uniforms."

All three members turned away with dreamy smiles on their faces. They left for their respective homes to look up reference materials to make them seem intelligent to the women they planned on seducing at the hospital.

-----

**A/N:** I am having so much fun with this. I hope you are too. Review if you like!

Next up: The three members invade the hospital to attempt to woo the "tight white uniform" wearing ladies who work there. Their intelligence knows no bounds. But will it work? See you soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Hi again everyone! Time for the member's next mission: The Hospital, and the Tight White Uniform hunt. Enjoy!

-----

3:00 came, and Kotetsu and Genma were there as usual. Kakashi was slightly late. Apparently his face was healing and didn't hurt so much. They waited for him and he appeared, nose in book, a few minutes later.

Genma slid his senbon to the side and asked, "Ready for some tight white uniform action Kakashi?"

Kakashi said, "I'm prepared. Kotetsu?"

"I think I'm ready. Genma?"

"All I can think about is tight white uniforms. I hope my brain kicks in when I get there."

Kakashi said, "That may be a problem for you, considering," Genma just flipped him off. Kakashi continued, "Alright, we've got to have some background information in place before we go. I know we're going in looking for intelligent women. I have one in mind already that I know works there. I've worked out my plan on how to get her attention already, and all I've got to do is go in and be brilliant. I hope you've both prepared yourselves as well."

Kotetsu said, "So did your Icha Icha book have a hospital scene somewhere?"

Kakashi said, "Several. So here's the background info. We'll tell anyone who asks that we're going to visit a friend on the third floor, down in the recovery area where they keep people under observation after they've come out of intensive care. Visitors are allowed there – I should know, I've been there enough."

Genma said, "Yeah, didn't they name that "The Kakashi Wing," after you, since you're there so much?"

Kakashi closed his eyes and said, "Shut it. Anyway, we're visiting someone on the 3rd floor if anyone asks. It doesn't matter who we're visiting, we'll just say, someone from work. They'll buy it since there's always some shinobi there for one reason or another. Once we're inside, wander, find your woman and be brilliant! Show them how intelligent you are and impress them with your brains!"

Genma and Kotetsu shouted an eager, "Right!"

Kakashi said, "Let's go." And they headed off to the hospital.

They arrived a short time later. All three had gone over in their heads what they were going to say and what type of woman they were looking for. They opened the doors, Kotetsu walked straight ahead to the reception area and stopped. Genma looked over his shoulder to see which direction the physical therapy wing was located in, got his directions and quickly proceeded on. Kakashi went straight to the elevators. No one stopped them as ninja were a common sight throughout the hospital at all times, as were the women in the tight white uniforms.

Kotetsu just stood there in front of the receptionist. He'd seen her there before and noticed she was cute. He'd never made a move on her because he didn't know how to approach her. But with Ebisu's advice in the forefront of his mind, he decided to dazzle her with his brilliance.

"Good afternoon," Kotetsu said so formally.

"Good afternoon," the girl in the tight white uniform said back to him. "How can I help you today?"

"I'm here to see a comrade on the third floor."

"Anyone in particular?"

_SHIT!_ Kotetsu screamed in his head. He was already screwed. He never thought anyone would actually ask for a NAME of someone. Kakashi hadn't though of that either. So he blurted out the first name he could think of, "Yeah, Mozuku's up there. Got in the middle of a scrap during an interrogation."

The receptionist looked at him questioningly and said, "Mozuku's not there today, he was released last week. Iwashi's there though."

"That's who I meant! Those guys are always running around together. Sometimes I forget who's who!" Kotetsu began to sweat a bit as he though, _alright, I'm sounding dumber by the second. This is not working. This woman already thinks I'm an idiot and she probably thinks I'm lying too. Time to dazzle her with some medical intelligence._ "By the way, I've heard that they're performing more laparoscopic surgeries here now as apposed to the traditional vertical or horizontal incision surgeries. Is that true?"

The receptionist looked at him like he'd just insulted her cat. She said, "Look buddy, I'm a receptionist. I'm not a nurse or a Dr. I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but maybe you'd better ask a Dr. Why don't you flag one down when you get to the third floor?"

Kotetsu stood in front of her, and accepted yet another rejection from a woman. His attempt at intelligence was wasted on the wrong person. How was he supposed to find the right person? A Dr.? A Nurse? Maybe he'd try again when he reached the third floor. He said in parting, "I just may do that. You have a lovely day."

The receptionist looked at him, slightly annoyed and said, "Yeah. You too." Kotetsu turned and, while mentally punching himself in the head, he got in the elevator hoping he'd have better luck on the third floor.

Genma made his way to the physical therapy wing. He thought to himself, _the girls here are very adept in manipulating the body. They can manipulate me any way they please. Now, to just find one and show her how intelligent I can be!_ He opened the doors to the wing and the entire place was filled with exercise equipment, special stations where people re-learned how to walk, talk, eat, and do just about everything. He saw a particularly nubile looking woman, complete with tight white uniform, making some notes on a clipboard with her back facing him. He liked the view he was getting, so he decided to approach her and see if she could help him "manipulate his body" a bit.

"Pardon me Ma'am," Genma said as he approached her, limping slightly.

"Yes? Can I help you with something?"

Genma rolled his senbon, tilted his head down, and looked up only with his eyes, and said, "Yes actually you can. I've been doing some extra training lately. Have a very important S-rank mission coming up and I've done some intense physical training. Can't train too hard you know. The body must be in peak physical condition to be prepared for any possibility."

"That is so true," the physical therapist agreed.

"Well, during my recent training sessions, I began having some deep muscle pain. It seems to be radiating from well beneath my dermis."

The tight white uniform woman was looking at him very intently. This seemed to be working. He continued, "I do believe I may have torn a lat." Genma then began to rub his left thigh furiously.

"A lat?" the tight white uniform said to him.

"Yeah. From my super intense training. I guess it was too much for my lat to take. I probably overdid it. What do you say you rub my lat for a while and see if you can help me work it out, make me feel better." Genma sat back in a therapy chair and propped his left leg up for her, hoping she'd just scurry right over and begin kneading his thigh. He had been brilliant! He had thrown muscle jargon at this woman! He mentally patted himself on the back while he continued to rub his thigh. She had to be impressed with his brains!

Unfortunately, this was not the case.

The tight white uniform said, "A lat you say?"

"Yep." Genma said giving her a sideways sexy grin, complete with rolling senbon.

"Latisimus dorsi?"

Genma kept rubbing his leg, motioning for her to come over and take over for him and said, "No, a lat."

The tight white uniform stopped in front of him, crossed her arms and said, "I think you'd just like me to rub your LAP! Get out!"

Genma swallowed hard and said, his voice cracking, "Not a lat?"

"Your lats ARE you latisimus dorsi you idiot! And they're on the sides of your BACK – nowhere NEAR your legs!"

And Genma went down in flames. He had not proven himself intelligent to the tight white uniform. He silently cursed Ebisu as he stood and turned to go, giving the woman one last pathetic look, before she stonily pointed her finger to the exit, demanding that he leave.

Kotetsu emerged from the elevator on the third floor. He looked around for someone to talk to and found a Dr. talking to a nurse about a patient. He listened intently as the Dr. instructed the nurse, "Get a CBC, a chem panel, and do a lipid reading while you're at it. Also do a tox screen just to make sure." The nurse nodded to the Dr. as he turned to leave.

Kotetsu saw his opportunity and walked over to the nurse. "CBC and chem panel then?"

The nurse looked at him sideways and said slowly, "Yes."

Kotetsu took a moment to confirm to himself that he REALLY liked tight white uniforms. Then he snapped back to the task at hand and said, "And a tox screen too."

Again she said, "Yes."

Kotetsu said, "He'll be in surgery for hours then. Who will be performing the surgery?"

The nurse looked at him like he was from Mars. She said, "Exactly what are you referring to?"

Kotetsu said, "The chem. panel, CBC, tox screen – those surgeries take HOURS! You must have a specialist performing them!"

The nurse looked at him and said, "That'd be me idiot. All those things are TESTS performed on the blood I'm going to draw from the patient. Takes less than five minutes and the results will be back tomorrow.

Kotetsu knew immediately that this was NOT the place for him to attempt to pick up women. He nodded and quickly backed away from the woman before she called security on him. He thought to himself, _Ebisu can go fuck himself AND his brains. This is definitely not the way I'm going to find a date, but I DO like those uniforms. I wonder how the other two are doing._

Kakashi stormed out of the elevator on the 5th floor. He was going straight to a Dr.'s office that he knew about from talk at the academy. He knocked on the Dr.'s door and a slight female voice said, "Come in." Kakashi opened the door and walked in to see a lovely woman Dr. in a tight white Dr.'s uniform sitting behind her desk making some notes. He walked up to her and she said, "Hello. Have a seat. What can I do for you today?"

Kakashi's perverted mind thought of a hundred different things he'd LOVE her to do to him, but again, he controlled himself and said, "I think I'm having some problems and I'd like to talk to you about them."

"So what's going on?"

"I believe I need an examination of my prostate. It doesn't feel right and I'd like to see if you could examine it for me."

"Have you been doing regular exams of yourself, checking for lumps and such?"

"Not really, I'd prefer if you did that too." Kakashi thought to himself _ooohh sexy Doctor. I hope you keep the uniform on. I wonder if you'd let me try on your coat? I'm going to have to buy Ebisu lunch or something for his advice. This is going to be GREAT._

The Doctor continued, "Well, I'm sure we can schedule you for some routine tests."

"That'd be great because I'd really enjoy," Kakashi stopped in mid sentence. Here he had been approaching an important medical situation, and he just used the word "enjoy" pertaining to tests concerning his prostate. The Dr., being the intelligent brainy woman that she was, caught on right away.

"You'd _enjoy_ it huh? Enjoy?!!" The Dr. stood right up and slapped Kakashi in the face and said, "Out perv!" Kakashi got up and silently left the office without having his prostate examined.

Genma waited at the hospital exit door and Kotetsu soon joined him. He said, "Maybe Kakashi's having more luck then we," and then Kakashi walked out the elevator door with a fresh slap mark across his face. "Never mind," Genma said.

Kotetsu said as they walked out the door, "That advice SUCKED! I can't pretend to be as smart as these women! Oh man that Ebisu."

Genma said, "He's an asshole! Smug little prick thinks he's better than us. Pompous bastard."

Kakashi just said, "My face hurts."

They walked in silence for a while, each quietly cursing Ebisu's advice and while they were at it, Ebisu himself, as well as his brains.

They reached their meeting spot, but none bothered to stop. Kakashi said, "Same time tomorrow?"

Kotetsu said, "Alright."

Genma grumbled, "Whatever."

Kakashi said, "Hayate tomorrow?"

Both the other men said, "Sure."

And the three members left for their respective homes to never again attempt to be more intelligent than they really were, even though they all had their heads filled with fresh "reference material" to think about, concerning "tight white uniforms."

-----

**A/N:** Still having fun I hope? More to come. Review if you like!

Next up: Hayate shares his advice with the members who then come up with a ridiculous (and possibly illegal) way to have women come to them. See you soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Hi again everyone. Sorry to have kept you waiting! Time to catch up with our three members and see what advice they can get from their friend Hayate. Enjoy!

-----

It was meeting time again. This time Genma and Kotetsu walked up to find Kakashi already there, sitting with his nose in his book. They both looked at each other and asked him, "Kakashi. What's going on? Why are you early?"

Kakashi lowered his book and his right eye was obviously red on the outside – the result of the Doctor's slap that was placed directly on top of the one the librarian had given him.

Kotetsu said, "Ow. That looks like it hurts."

Kakashi said, "Only when I touch it, or think about it, or my mask rubs it, or I breathe, or the wind blows,"

Genma said, "I get the picture. So who are we interviewing today? Hayate you say?"

Kakashi said, "Yeah. He's been seeing an Anbu woman right Kotetsu? Isn't that what you said?"

"Yeah. They've been dating for quite a while now."

Genma said, "I dated one once. Once. Those Anbu women are pretty feisty. I wonder how he got her to begin with, and how he's kept her interested?"

Kakashi said, "One way to find out. Let's go get him."

Kotetsu and Genma said, "Right!" And off they went to find Hayate and ask him how he came to attain his current stud status with a feisty Anbu woman.

After asking around at the academy, and finally following the coughing, they found Hayate in an office filing some recent applications for new academy recruits. The three members appeared at the door and Hayate turned and said, "Hey guys. What's up?"

Kotetsu motioned to the others that he'd ask. He stepped forward and said, "Hayate, what's going on? Haven't seen you around much lately. I take it your lady is keeping you busy huh?"

Kakashi and Genma quietly praised Kotetsu for taking the lead and getting right to the point, and quite eloquently too.

Hayate said, "Yeah, that's sort of it. I don't have much choice though. That woman is an animal." Genma and Kakashi began to salivate.

Kotetsu said, "She's true to the nature of her Anbu mask then?"

Hayate said, "That and so much more. She's a brute! I don't mean she's like a man, but she tells me what she wants and I go along with it. And it's fucking brilliant man."

Kakashi's mask was getting damp, and Genma almost dropped his senbon.

Kotetsu said, "How'd you get her interested?"

Hayate said, "Well see that's just it. I worked with her but I barely knew her. It was more like being in the right place at the right time. We were assigned a mission together, where we were pretty much thrown together. We ended up being alone together, and all I did was ask her if she wanted to go out when we got home and she frigging pounced on me! It was all about right place, right time. We were alone together in a situation and one thing led to another. It's great man. Totally hot, because she made the first move – all I did was make a suggestion, and she acted on it."

Genma and Kakashi's minds began to run away again. The thoughts of women taking control of them was pretty appealing right now. They were both enjoying their little daydream fantasies when Kotetsu said, "That's hot Hayate. Hey good luck with her. We'll see ya around."

Hayate waved and the three members left. Once they got outside Genma said, "I hate that guy, that lucky fucker!"

Kakashi said, "There's very little luck involved there genius. Now, we need to listen to what he said to do. We just have to bring the women to us, in our territory, somewhere we're familiar with, let them know we're interested, and see what they do. Shouldn't be that hard."

Genma and Kotetsu rolled their eyes. Kotetsu said, "Shouldn't be that hard. Yeah, that coming from the guy with the fresh slap marks on his face."

Kakashi said, "I'm going to tell people I got the marks from a desperate mission."

Genma said, "Desperate being the right word there, Kakashi."

Kakashi said, "You really are a dick. Do you treat women this way?"

Genma said, "Only you sweetheart."

Kakashi looked at Kotetsu and said, "Can I kill him? Please? Let me kill him. I'll just kill him a little."

Genma said, "Alright settle down smart guy. How do we pull this one off? How do we get the women to come to us? And on our turf. What, like to our houses or something?"

Both Kotetsu and Kakashi turned to him as if he was on to something. Kotetsu said, "My postal carrier is a woman. Comes to my house every day, but I'm not interested. She's got a face like a lemon, all puckered up, and not in a good way." His comrades made grimacing faces and shook their heads NO.

Genma said, "Traveling sales woman?"

Kotetsu said, "I haven't seen one of those in years. They're mostly men now and there aren't many of them either."

Kakashi stopped walking. The other two members looked at him expectedly. Kakashi smiled under his mask and started to laugh. He said, "Guys, I think my place needs a good cleaning. It needs tidied up." Realization began to dawn on Kotetsu and Genma's faces. Then Kakashi said, "I'll get the phone number for Missy Maid's Cleaning Service."

Kotetsu and Genma both said, "Brilliant!" Then all three walked on quietly thinking about maids in frilly maid uniforms, coming to their respective homes. They'd make suggestions to them, maybe lead them on a bit, ask them if they'd like to "clean the bedroom," and then WHAM! The women would not be able to control themselves when faced with the studly manly ninjas before them! These incredibly turned on women would then certainly jump each of the members, right there in their own houses! YES! Of course it would work. Right place, right time. Brilliant idea! And frilly maid uniforms. BONUS! Those were even BETTER than tight white uniforms.

They walked into town and came to a phone booth. A large phone book hung from a metal chord inside. Kakashi went in and looked up the number for Missy Maid's Cleaning Service. Kotetsu and Genma tried to cram into the phone booth with him, but that made it impossible for him to open the book with them squashing him forward. They backed up; he opened the book again, whipped out his phone and called the cleaning service. A voice on the other end said, "Missy Maid's Cleaning Service, can I help you?"

Kakashi held the phone away from his ear so the other two members could hear. He said, "Yes, I am not able to be home often, and have found that my place had gotten quite, messy. Is there any way I can schedule someone to come over as soon as possible to give me, I mean, my place a good once over?" Kotetsu and Genma suppressed their laughter at Kakashi almost blowing it.

The voice said, "When would you be able to have someone over? I have some girls available this evening, or if tomorrow morning is better,"

"No! This evening would be fine. In fact, two of the men I work with are finding they have the same problem. Do you have two other girls available this evening?"

The voice said, "I do indeed. Let me have the addresses and I will send them over at 7:00 tonight."

Kotetsu and Genma high-fived each other as Kakashi said and repeated their addresses. The voice then told him about how much the cost would be, and all three gladly agreed to pay for the "services," if they indeed worked out to their benefit.

Kakashi glanced at his fellow members and said to the voice on the phone, "One last thing before I let you go. Do your girls have any kind of uniform they wear? It's just that I'd like to be able to recognize her when she comes by."

The voice chuckled and paused. Then it said, "They wear the standard cleaning uniform. Our girls look a little like regular waitresses." Kakashi snapped his fingers in disappointment, but the other two didn't mind so much.

Kakashi said, "That's fine, I'll know who she is when she arrives later. Thank you. Goodbye."

Genma said, "No frills?"

Kotetsu said, "Screw frills. She can come over wrapped in a potato sack for all I care, just as long as she's going to be at my place tonight. Oh shit, I forgot about Izumo. He'll be doing his thing all over his girlfriend sometime after 7:00 tonight."

Kakashi said, "Use that to your advantage."

"Huh?"

"When Izumo gets there," Kakashi explained, "make sure she hears what's going on. She may be quite turned on by it, and, as Hayate said, right place, right time, and YOU JUST MAY BE A WINNER!"

Kotetsu nodded, "Yeah! That just may work!"

Genma said, "I'd better go. I've got to mess my place up a bit. I'm a bit of a neat freak. She'll need something to do or she'll wonder why she's been called in. Meet back here tomorrow? Usual time?"

The other two members nodded. Kakashi said, "Gentlemen! Meet back here tomorrow with your success stories!"

Genma and Kotetsu yelled, "Right!"

And off the three members went to "dirty up" their respective homes in anticipation of the Missy Maid that was hopefully going to be cleaning _them_ up that evening.

-----

**A/N:** And the silly continues. This is seriously so fun for me. I hope you're still with me and enjoying reading as much as I am posting. Review if you like!

Next up: The three members welcome three young girls from a cleaning service into their respective houses. Will they get lucky? Will any of them? One way to find out - chapter 6! See you soon!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Hello again! Let's get right to it. But first, brace yourselves. Some "sensual" scenes are described here, but nothing too risque. I just ask that you "see it in your head" as you read. You'll get what I mean if you do that. Oh yeah. This is a rather long chapter, but it had to be that way. Let's see what trouble our three members get into today. Enjoy!

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Genma went home and immediately tried and mess up his place. It was kind of sparse with not a lot of furniture, but he didn't need a lot of furniture. He'd vacuumed the day before so there was really no dust around. So he decided to take the bag from his sweeper, open it and give it a good smack. That way the dust would settle on the surfaces of the furniture in the living room, giving his soon to arrive Missy Maid something to do when she got there. He ate some dinner, showered, got himself fixed up and swirling his senbon around his mouth, he waited for his cleaning lady to arrive.

Just before 7:00, his doorbell rang and he peeped outside to see a very cute girl probably in her early twenties standing outside, saying, "Missy Maid service. You called for a maid?"

Genma whipped open the door and said, "Yes I did, please come in."

As he stood back and let her in, he admired her uniform. It was like a waitress's uniform, a one piece skirt outfit with short sleeves, and the words _"Missy Maid's Cleaning Service"_ embroidered on the left breast pocket. It WAS cute, but it definitely wasn't frilly. He thought nautily, _maybe if I can get her to climb up on something and dust the blades on my ceiling fan, I could get a peek under her skirt._

She'd brought some of her own cleaning supplies with her and asked where his sweeper was. Then she asked him, "Could you show me around a little please? That way I'll know what needs to be done."

Genma screamed in his head, _I NEED TO BE DONE, but hopefully we'll get to that. Take it easy Genma, don't scare the girl_. He said, "Sure, there's really not much to see. This obviously is the dusty living room, over there is the kitchen, complete with dining bar, then if you'll follow me down this hallway," he paused as she followed him, "here is the bathroom, which I don't think is too bad, and here," he stood back against the wall, allowing her to stand in the doorway and look in, "is the bedroom."

He stood there against the wall and looked down on her. She smelled slightly of cleaning chemicals and lemons, which was fine. He always like the smell of a clean house, that's why he'd always been sort of a neat freak. She suddenly turned and practically collided with his chest. She put her hands up to stop herself from hitting her face against it, and slowly looked up into his face. Genma's heart started pounding as he looked the girl right in the eyes, realizing they were not a foot from his bedroom. His mind raced, _right place, right time. It'd be so easy to,_

Then the Missy Maid dropped her hands and said, "I'm so sorry, please excuse me. I didn't mean to run into you like that."

Genma said in a voice that squeaked, "No problem?! S'alright. Really."

She said, "Where is your sweeper?"

He pointed to a closet by the front door, "Right over there."

"OK," she said as she walked down the hall to get the sweeper.

Genma took the opportunity to calm himself down. He realized that that's the closest a woman had been to actually being in a compromising situation with him in four months. He shook his head to clear it and followed her to the living room.

- - -

At precisely the same time, a Missy Maid arrived at Kotetsu's place. As soon as he heard the knock on the door, he let her in. "Hi!" he practically shouted at her, sounding a little too eager. "Come on in, I'll show you around." The girl smiled at him as he stood aside so she could come in, lugging some cleaning supplies along with her. He said, "It's not a big place, and I have a roommate, but he's not here right now." He pointed to the kitchen, motioning for her to go ahead of him. _Good, _he thought_ I've got to check out her uniform. Very, very cute. Nice. _

He followed her to the kitchen and said, "You can see what this is. And then of course, we came through the living room. Then down here is the bathroom, which I am embarrassed to say, will probably need more attention than anything," _except me_ he thought. "Then finally, we have two bedrooms side by side. The one on the right is my roommate's, and this one," he opened the door, "is mine."

All Kotetsu could think was, _cute girl in a maid's uniform outside my bedroom door! Holy shit! _

The girl went back to the bathroom and said, "Since this is going to need the most of my time, I think I'll start here."

"Ok, but you may want to wear some gloves or something in there. Two men do live here."

"That's what I always do. But thanks for being considerate."

Kotetsu thought, _she thinks I'm considerate! That's a plus. I can work with considerate._ He left her alone to tackle the job that was his and Izumo's bathroom.

- - -

Genma sat on his couch with his feet up on his coffee table, and tried to watch some TV. But the thought that a cute girl in a maid's uniform was in his house, had him completely distracted. He tried not to stare at her, but she was SO DAMN CUTE and she was RIGHT THERE in front of him, BENDING OVER and dusting things! _My God_ he thought_ why didn't I think of doing this sooner? _

Genma noticed that the girl looked at him a few times as she was dusting. She'd give him a slight smile as she continued to dust around his furniture. _She might be interested after all. Right place, right time._ Soon, the girl came over to dust the coffee table that obviously needed some attention from him opening up the sweeper bag earlier. She swiped her duster over the surface of part of the table, and walked between the table and the couch until she came to his outstretched legs. He looked at her sideways and she just stood there looking back at him. Then he put down one of his legs, but not the other one. The girl said to him, "You going to let me get by you so I can finish dusting this table?"

Genma looked at her, senbon lolling around his mouth and said, "Sure," and let his other leg drop. As she walked by him, bent over slightly dusting, he could almost see the bottom of her underwear under her skirt. As she moved past his legs, her knee brushed against his, and he thought he WOULD DIE right on the spot.

- - -

Slightly after 7:00 a Missy Maid appeared at Kakashi's door. She was about to ring his bell, when she noticed a note taped to the door, addressed to: "The young lady from Missy Maid's." She picked up the note and read: _Please feel free to come in and look around. I'm working on a project and may lose track of time and not hear you. I'll try and find you as close to your scheduled arrival time as possible. Thank you and come in_.

The girl took down the note, opened the door and walked into Kakashi's place. She could hear a slight banging noise down a hallway and decided she'd better go find him and let him know she was there. She took note of things that needed to be cleaned as she made her way toward the banging noise that now sounded more like a clanging. A door at the end of the hallway was slightly opened, and it seemed that that was where the noise was coming from. She approached the door and pushed it open slightly. What she saw made her breath catch in her throat.

- - -

Genma continued to keep an eye on the Missy Maid that was dusting his house. He watched her as she went to the closet where he kept his sweeper (that now had a new fresh dust collection bag inside), and she took it out and began vacuuming the room. As she worked her way away from him, he decided _now is the time to make a move. Let her know I'm interested. She's been looking at me, so I think it's safe to say, now is the right time._

Genma got up and set up a chair a few feet away from where the girl was sweeping, right in the middle of the floor. She would sweep a little, back up a few feet, sweep some more, back up a few feet and continue on like that. He set up his chair so she'd eventually run right into him. His ninja instincts told him that the force of the sweeper being pulled backward toward her, and her feet getting suddenly stopped by him and his chair should cause her to plop backward right onto his lap. Perfect.

- - -

Kotetsu waited for his Missy Maid to finish up in the bathroom. She'd been in there for a while, but he was patient. He could wait. Unfortunately, at that moment, Izumo came in the door with is girlfriend in tow. "Tetsu. What's going on man?"

Kotetsu got up quickly and ran right to Izumo. "Listen dude, I've got a girl here. She's in the bathroom."

Izumo was impressed! He said, "So you're about to break the dry spell yeah? Good job man. Where is she I wanna get a look at her?"

Kotetsu said, "NO no no no, you can't! She's not really here WITH me, but she MAY be if you leave us alone."

Izumo said, "That's no sweat man. I have better things to do anyway if you know what I mean." Izumo's girlfriend just giggled and pretended to slap at him.

Kotetsu rolled his eyes. He said, "Go then. Leave before she sees you. Just go and do what you have to do. Give me some time. This may work out!"

"Alright man, don't worry, we won't interrupt you."

"Good."

Izumo and his girlfriend grabbed a couple of drinks from the fridge and went to his bedroom. Kotetsu breathed a sigh of relief, and continued to wait for his Missy Maid to finish in the bathroom.

It didn't take too much longer. She came out stripping off her rubber gloves and pushing a strand of hair out of her face with her forearm. She said, "That place was pretty bad, but I've seen worse. All cleaned up! You could eat off the floor in there now."

Kotetsu stood up immediately and said, "That's great. Thanks so much. Now if you could just," and that's when it started. A female giggle came from Izumo's room. The Missy Maid just stood there for a minute waiting for Kotetsu to finish his sentence, when they both heard a low voice, Izumo's, muttering something. Then a very female sigh and some kissing noises came from the room. Kotetsu said, "Sorry, my roommate is home. So's his girlfriend."

The Missy Maid said, "That's ok, I can come back another time to finish up if you like."

"Oh no, you can stay, it's no big deal. He won't care that you're here. In fact he'll probably be grateful that you were here."

"I don't know."

Kotetsu went over to her and put his hand on her shoulder and said, "Come on, you can stay." His Missy Maid looked at him, not quite certain what she should do next. Then they both heard a very distinctive groan coming from the bedroom. Kotetsu didn't know whether to be embarrassed or to use it to his advantage like Kakashi had mentioned. He decided to try the latter. "Would you care to sit down? Take a break?"

"I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to finish and then," a throaty groan, this time definitely from Izumo came from the bedroom.

Kotetsu took a step forward. The girl just stared at the bedroom door. She was either interested in what was going on, and didn't mind hearing pornographic sounds coming from the bedroom a few feet away from her, or she was horrified and was about to leave screaming her head off. Kotetsu hoped she was intrigued and said, "Sounds like they're having fun doesn't it?"

The Missy Maid nodded her head absently, staring at the door and marveling at the noises the bed was now making.

Kotetsu took another step forward and said, "Can I interest you in something to drink?" He was standing practically on top of her, all manly and trying as hard as he could to sense if she was interested.

Suddenly the Missy Maid pulled her attention from the door and was faced with Kotetsu's chest. She looked up at him slowly and said, "What the hell are you doing?"

Immediately Kotetsu retreated, "I was just, well, I was asking you if you,"

"Get the hell away from me! What is this place, a love shack?"

Then Kotetsu said something he knew he'd regret later, "Would you like to find out?"

The Missy Maid screwed up her face, curled up her fist and punched him right in the stomach. Then she gathered up her cleaning supplies and headed for the door. Kotetsu tried to stop her, "Wait! I'm sorry! I was kidding!"

All she said was, "You'll get my bill in the mail creep." And out the door she went. Kotetsu went to his couch and flopping down on it, cursing himself while he was forced to listen to Izumo having a pretty good time with his girlfriend. "Why me?" he said to no one in particular.

- - -

The Missy Maid in Kakashi's house couldn't believe what she was seeing. It shocked her to silence. She just stood there, mouth agape as she looked into the room Kakashi was "working" in. He was working alright, working out heavily. He was doing reverse chin ups, with two weighted plates tied to his ankles, so every time he lowered himself to the ground, the plates would clang together. He was wearing a tight fitting tank under shirt, his mask, and some loose fitting black and gray camouflage pants that just barely hung onto his waist.

The Missy Maid continued to watch him because she figured he hadn't heard her yet. What she didn't know was Kakashi had known she was there as soon as she entered the front door. Still, she didn't want to scare him, or interrupt him. She just stood there and looked at him, and every single angle of every single muscle in his shoulders and upper back as they contracted to pull him back up to the chin bar, lifting the weights off the floor again as he rose. Beads of sweat were evident all over his back, drawing a dark line down his shirt that was wider at the top and got thinner as it went lower. It was obvious that he'd been working out for quite a while by the way his muscles stood out, popping in reaction to the exertion placed on them. The Maid stood there staring, not knowing what to do next. Kakashi figured he'd wait until she said something before he acknowledged her. _Right place, right time_ is all he thought. _Maybe she likes what she sees._

Kakashi continued to "chin" himself, until finally the Missy Maid knocked slightly on the door frame, cleared her throat and said, "Hello? I'm here from the Maid service."

Kakashi lowered himself down one more time, the weights clanging on the floor. He stepped his feet apart slightly so he didn't step on them. He looked over his shoulder and said, "Hello! I'm glad you came in. Sorry I wasn't out there to meet you, but I was concentrating and didn't hear you come in." Kakashi then thought to himself; _let's see how she likes this._ He bent over at the waist, untying the straps that held the weights to his ankles, making sure she had a full-on view of his muscled up ass.

The Missy Maid began to stutter and said, "I, well, maybe I should go. Come back another time or something."

Kakashi got up and went to her, "Nonsense. You're here now. Come with me." He left the room he was working out in and led her down the hall. "Not much to the place and it definitely has gotten away from me a bit. I have a small kitchen with a dining area, a living room, complete with a good size couch, just one bedroom, and a bathroom. I particularly like my bathroom, but haven't had time to keep it as tidy as I like it. Would you like to see it first?"

"Sure. I'll start there if you like."

Kakashi led the Missy Maid to his bathroom. Kakashi did like his bathroom. It had helped him relax after just about every mission, and heal his bruised body. He opened the door and walked in, motioning for her to follow. He said, "This is my favorite room. Here is where I come, not only to think, but to relax. I have a sauna closet over there, for relaxing in after I work out, a large shower complete with massage jets in various locations, a pedestal sink, commode, and this is my favorite," he pointed to a very large tub. He went over and leaned against it looking at her. She went to it and looked down inside it. He said, "I could soak in this tub for hours. It's got jets in it too. Does wonders for the neck."

The Missy Maid marveled at the size of the tub. She said, "You'd have to get inside that thing to clean it."

Kakashi thought to himself, _precisely._ _Right place, right time. This woman is in my favorite room, next to my favorite thing. I wonder if she'd be interested in done my favorite thing in this tub with me?_ He turned away from her slightly, grabbed the bottom of his sweaty shirt and pulled it over his head. With his completely naked back to her he said, "I was getting a bit cold with that damp shirt still on. I really need a bath." Then he turned back toward her, and her eyes got really big. He walked up close to her and said, "It's big enough for two if you're interested." And in his mind he was cheering _Good one Kakashi. What an absolutely filthy suggestion! Maybe I should flex a little to show her what a stud I really am._

The Missy Maid smiled a little and walked a little closer to him. Kakashi's eye got a little wider because it looked like she just might take him up on his offer. As soon as she was close enough, she slapped him across his face and said, "I'm here to clean the house, NOT YOU. Perv!" Then the Missy Maid turned and pounded down the hallway and out his front door, slamming it behind her.

Kakashi just stood in his bathroom and sighed heavily. "Ow." He said to himself. "I wish they'd stop DOING that." Then he turned his attentions to the tub, and began to fill it so he could soak his exhausted body and wounded pride.

- - -

Genma sat on his chair and waited. His Missy Maid continued to vacuum his place and slowly back up closer to him with each sweep. He was enjoying himself, watching her bottom sway as she'd reach forward and pull back again. It wouldn't be long now. Soon she'd be in his lap. He thought_ right place, right time! This is too cool! I'm enjoying just watching her, but this should definitely break the ice._

It finally happened. As the Missy Maid was pulling the vacuum back toward her, she took a step backward and her leg stopped short because of Genma's waiting chair. The momentum caused her to topple backward and right onto Genma's lap his waiting arms. The sweeper still roared, which was quite a distraction to him, but he didn't care. There was a soft bottom on his lap and a cute girl inches away from his face. Life was good!

Genma reached over and shut off the sweeper. He said, "Are you ok? You seem to have fallen backward. Luckily I was able to catch you before you hurt yourself." The Missy Maid took a look around and saw that the chair Genma was sitting on was nowhere near anything else! It wasn't near a table, or anything, it was in the middle of the floor. Why would anyone sit in a chair in the middle of the floor? To get someone to trip and fall into their lap, that's why. Realization stole over the Missy Maid's face and she quickly elbowed him in the guts, causing him to release her immediately.

She got up, furious and said, "Tell me you're not so pathetic that you called the maid service to try and get a date!"

Genma looked at her as if she'd just stuck her duster right up his ass. She shouted, "You're not serious!" Again, he looked guilty, not saying a thing. He wasn't about to lie to her, but was afraid to say anything. So the Missy Maid gathered up her things and headed for the door, muttering to herself, "No wonder his place looked pretty tidy. Sneaky bastard. Almost stabbed me in the back with that damn metal thing he's chewing on." She reached the door and yelled, "You'll be getting a bill in the mail asshole." Then she left slamming the door behind her. Genma just let his head drop back and he stared at the ceiling for a while.

Due to their attempts at getting dates from a cleaning service, Kakashi, Kotetsu and Genma were put on the "black list" of customers for the Missy Maid's Cleaning Service, and would never benefit from their services ever again.

-----

**A/N: **So what do you think? These guys. When will they find their luck? Stick around and find out! Review please!

Next up: Iruka Sensei. But is he the "Sensei of Love?" See you soon!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Hi again! Here we go. Iruka Sensei. Sensei of "love?" Just what will he tell our three members? Time to find out. Enjoy!

-----

The next afternoon, all three members arrived at their regular meeting place at about the same time. None looked too happy, so each was pretty sure what had happened to the others. It was obvious that they'd all struck out – again. Each then proceeded to tell their misadventures from the night before, with one evening ending with a punch in the stomach, one an elbow to the guts, and of course one, with a slap to the face.

Kotetsu said, "What the hell are we doing wrong? I'm having worse luck now than I did before I started trying to take all this advice.

Genma said, "Yeah me too. Another slap mark Kakashi? What DO you do to get those? Oh, never mind, I forgot who I was talking to."

Kakashi glared at Genma over his book and just shook his head. As far as Kakashi was concerned, Genma had just solidified the fact that he was still in fact, a dick.

Kotetsu said, "I don't know how much longer I want to do this. The guys we've asked so far knew nothing. Everything we've tried, we've fail at miserably."

Genma said, "Listen, we've got this list. Let's try another one. What have we got to lose? I must say, it was quite nice looking at the maid last night. She WAS cute and she WAS in my place."

Kotetsu nodded in agreement. Kakashi just ignored them, keeping his eye on his book.

Genma continued, "Let's go try Iruka. He's a decent guy and he's dating, and I don't remember seeing any slap marks on his face." Kakashi peeked over his book and gave Genma a baleful death glare.

Kotetsu said, "Alright then, let's go. I saw him grading papers a little while ago. Maybe he's still there." So Kotetsu, Genma and Kakashi got up and went to find Iruka, praying that he had a little bit of insight that might work for them, yet not get them injured too badly.

- - -

They found Iruka where Kotetsu had seen him, grading the younger student's papers. He looked up as they went inside. "Oh, Kakashi, Kotetsu, Genma. What brings you guys here? One of my students getting out of line?"

Kotetsu stepped up and with his straightforward self he asked, "No, nothing like that. Question. Are you dating someone Iruka? I heard you were."

"Yeah. I've been dating the same woman for a while now. Why do you ask?"

Kotetsu continued, "What's she like? More so, what did you do to get her interested in you?"

Iruka thought a moment then said, "Well, I knew about her for a long time. She works at the coffee shop in town. I'd occasionally stop in for a specialty tea drink and that's when I really started to notice her. So I went back more often, always making sure I talked to her. Then I went back after she'd get off work and I'd listen to her. Women love it when you listen to what they have to say."

Enlightenment showed on the three members faces. Kotetsu asked then, "So what keeps you together? We have been having this discussion with each other, not about you or anything, but none of us agrees with the other. How do you do it?"

Iruka said, "I respect her as a woman. I believe what she thinks, says and does is important. If she thinks it's important, I'm not about to scoff at it, even if it's something I don't like, or agree with. If she likes it, I respect her liking it. And she gives me that same kind of respect. I guess when it comes down to it; we respect each other as equals and treat each other the way we'd like to be treated."

Kotetsu said, "Wow that's deep Iruka. It seems to be working for you."

Iruka said, "It is. I'm happy."

Kotetsu said, "That's great. Well, thanks for the advice. We'll see you later."

Iruka waved to the members and they went off to figure this one out. They walked down the hall, all three of them unusually silent, their brains short-circuiting at the prospect of how they were going to impress women this particular way. Genma said, "I respect women! I respect them A LOT."

Kotetsu looked at him and said, "I think you want to INSPECT woman a lot. I don't know how much you RESPECT them."

Genma said, "I'm not an asshole with women!"

Kakashi took his shot, "You are with everyone else."

Genma glared at him and said, "Touché. Bastard."

Kotetsu said, "Alright guys. What are we going to do about this one? It seems complicated. Where are we going to go to find women to prove to them that we respect them AS woman? Where will we find these women, to show them we respect them as equals yet we're still interested in taking them home and ravishing them and,"

Both Kakashi and Genma stopped walking and looked at Kotetsu. When Kotetsu realized that they weren't moving anymore and turned around to look at them, they took a step back. Kotetsu said, "Was I rambling?"

Kakashi said, "Fantasizing was more like it. But before we all go off on our own little daydreams about ravishing and the like," immediately Kotetsu and Genma's eyes glazed over, so Kakashi snapped his fingers, "stay with me guys." Kotetsu and Genma focused on Kakashi as he said, "I've got an idea. Let's check the bulletin board."

The three ninjas went to the nearest bulletin board and began to read down the things posted there. There were want ads, lost and found fliers, women's volleyball tournament fliers, local band fliers, festival fliers, party fliers, rally fliers, ads for babysitting and (gulp) housecleaning, and singles ads to name a few. Kakashi said, "There's got to be something here we can use. Start looking." All three began scanning different parts of the bulletin board, reading flier after flier.

Genma suddenly read out loud, "Female, aged 25, very curvy and athletic, looking for equally athletic male between the ages of 18 and 45. Must have almost inhuman stamina and possess good kunai skills." Genma looked at both his friends quickly and made an attempt to take the ad.

Kakashi quickly slapped his hand away from the ad saying, "That's not what you're here for."

Genma said, "You're right, I'll keep looking."

Kakashi thought _but that IS what I'M here for!_ He quickly palmed the ad and slipped it inside his glove to look at it later.

The three read through ad after ad, after filer after leaflet and finally Kotetsu found one that they might be able to use, "listen guys, here's one." The flier said:

IT'S TIME TO STAND UP AND BE HEARD!

EXPRESS YOUR OPINIONS ON WOMEN'S EQUALITY!

WOMEN OF ALL AGES, COME AND SPEAK YOUR PEACE!

FREE AND OPEN TO THE PUBLIC

Genma said, "I think we've found our calling. A rally for women? They're going to stand up and speak their peace? Oh, you can count me in."

Kotetsu said, "Iruka did say women loved it when you listened to them. We could go have a listen. Maybe scope out the ladies with our big bad manly ninja selves."

Kakashi said, "Then it's settled. This rally is tomorrow evening, let's go. An event that is for women by women and all about women is an event for me. Gentlemen, are we in?"

Genma and Kotetsu barked, "Right!"

Kakashi said, "Then let's split up and go home and prepare for this event tomorrow!"

The three members went their separate ways thinking about how they were going to charm the pants off the ladies at the rally tomorrow with their insightful listening skills.

-----

**A/N: **Ok so far? If so, review please! And just what do our three members get up to tomorrow? Will they show what good "listeners" they are? One way to find out! Chapter 8 tells all!

Next up: Even though Kakashi, Genma and Kotetsu have good intentions, they are slightly misunderstood. But when all seems lost, it's Kurenai and Anko to the rescue! See you soon!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Hey! Welcome back! Time to see how much trouble, or how much success our three boys have today. Enjoy!

-----

The time came and the three members met at their usual spot. Genma mentioned as Kakashi walked up, book in hand, "Kakashi, your slap marks healing nicely?"

Kakashi put his book down and said, "How about I insert that senbon,"

Kotetsu stepped in and said, "Fellas. The ladies are waiting for us. The rally starts soon, we'd better head out."

Genma said, "Wait, before we go, I brought something to attract the ladies." He reached inside his jacket pocket and bought out a bottle of cologne. "It's called, 'Jungle Juice,' and just one whiff and it's guaranteed the make the ladies go wild."

Genma took the lid off and passed it to Kotetsu who smelled it winced, and said, "I don't think so. Oh HELL no."

Genma offered it to Kakashi who put his hands up before he even got near him and said, "From here it smells like something you walked in, in a jungle. I can just imagine how offensive it is when you put it on."

Genma just said, "Fine. You two can go ahead smelling like your lame old selves, I myself am going to have the ladies falling all over me."

Kakashi said, "Yeah, more like passing out from the fumes from your jungle junk. Just stay away from me if you're going to wear that stuff. I don't want to be associated with you, or get any of that rank stank on me."

Genma glared at Kakashi and said, "He rhymes. What skill. Never mind, I'll put it on later when we get to the rally. You watch and see, the ladies will LOVE me!"

The three members walked to the rally. They arrived at a fairgrounds type of place that had TONS, literally TONS of ladies of all different races, ages, types, sizes and colors meandering around. Kakashi, Genma and Kotetsu thought they'd died and gone to heaven. So many to choose from! And the really peculiar thing that they all noticed was that there were NO MEN AROUND other then themselves. Genma thought _no other guys around – EXCELLENT – more for me!_

Kakashi began to survey the crowd as they walked closer. There seemed to be a tent where people were registering or picking up leaflets or something, so he motioned to his fellow members that they should check that out. They walked up to the tent that had four women sitting behind a table, handing out fliers to the women who came up to the table for information.

As soon as the three members reached the end of the table, all four women who were seated looked at them with questionable looks on their faces. One of them, a cute one, finally said, "Can I help you with something?"

Genma jumped in front immediately and said to the cute one, "Yeah, we're here for the rally."

The cute girl said, "Oh you must be the security. I thought they were sending women ninja. But that's ok, I'll show you where we need you." Kakashi, Genma and Kotetsu looked at each other like they were saying, "what the fuck?" as they were quickly hurried along to an area between the front of the stage and the first row of chairs. They had been stationed in the proverbial "pit."

Kotetsu looked over at Kakashi and said, "I don't like the look of things. It feels a little too energetic here for me. I say we call it off," and at that moment, a lovely young girl with long braided hair walked right past Kotetsu and his mouth opened in response like a great coy fish.

Kakashi said, "Change your mind?"

"A little. Something still feels weird."

Kakashi agreed. "We'll stick around for a while and if things get strange, we'll get out of here."

The ladies in the audience began to file into the chairs and it seemed the rally was about to begin. The talking began to die down, and finally a noise came from the stage as a woman in a smart outfit began clearing her voice into a microphone. She said, "Excuse me ladies, please take your seats. Welcome to Konoha's first women's equality rally! We'll begin momentarily. We have a great large list of guest speakers and we'll get right to it shortly."

Realization that they'd probably come to the absolute WRONG place to pick up women descended upon the three members. They didn't know what to think or do next. Luckily they spotted Anko and Kurenai coming toward them in the "pit" area. Kurenai motioned them over and said, "What the hell are you three doing here?"

Kakashi said, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. The ladies here think we're part of the security detail."

Kurenai continued, "That's what they hired us for."

Anko interrupted, "Do you realize what danger you're in right now?"

The three members looked at each other and nodded. They had a pretty good idea. But it took Anko telling them to really light a fire under their asses. She said, "This is a women's equality rally. If you stick around here too long, and the crowd gets fired up, they may hurt you."

"Or worse," Kurenai said.

Unfortunately, the members didn't move quite fast enough. The woman who introduced the rally was at the microphone again, "Good evening ladies! So glad you could all be here today! We're going to have some great, spirited discussions and be completely candid about how we feel about women's equality. So, let's get started with our first guest speaker."

Kurenai and Anko tried to shield Kakashi, Genma and Kotetsu from the speaker and the crowd itself. They started moving them toward the far end of the stage, hoping to be able to sneak them away from the women, and get them to safety in case things got crazy. But again, they didn't move fast enough. The guest speaker began her statement by screaming, "MEN ARE SCUM!" Kakashi, Kotetsu and Genma all winced and ducked at the same time. They knew they were toast. Then the speaker turned her shouting voice to the three men who happened to be right there by the end of the stage. She shouted, "THERE THEY ARE! SEE THAT THEY NEED WOMEN TO PROTECT THEM! WOMEN WHO ARE PROBABLY NOT PAID AS MUCH AS THEY ARE TO DO THE SAME JOB! MEN LIVE THE DOUBLE STANDARD! GET THEM!"

The entire crowd, wound up to begin with, began to stand and make their way toward the three members who decided that this was the worst idea they'd ever come up with EVER. Anko and Kurenai couldn't protect both sides of all three ninja men, so they just tried to keep the people on the stage from executing an aerial attack and dropping down on Kakashi, Genma and Kotetsu.

The crowd kept pressing toward them and Kotetsu said to his comrades, "Think of something!"

Genma said, "I'm trying! I wasn't expecting to have 200 angry women wanting to kill me just for being a man!"

The crowd got closer still and then Kakashi said, "I've got it." Kotetsu and Genma stopped and Kakashi went to Genma and reached inside his vest, and pulled out his bottle of cologne. He pointed it at the women and yelled, "Stand back! Get back or I'll spray it!"

The women in front began to mutter, "Is that pepper spray? Is it Mace? Is it some kind of sleeping agent?" Then another woman who could see more of the bottle from the side said, "It's cologne! GET THEM!"

Kakashi's ninja hand reacted to the rush of women and sprayed Genma's cologne at them in a sweeping arc. The first five women got quite a dose of it in the face and backed up gagging. "Gawk! What is that!" "Horrible!" "Ewww!!! Get it off me!" "It smells like old eggs wrapped in a used diaper!" As they pawed at their faces trying to wipe the offending smell off them, Kakashi began moving forward toward the small gap that began to open in front of them. Genma and Kotetsu followed closely, making sure to stick close to Kakashi and the bottle of funk he was holding at arms length. He held up the bottle in front of him and the women parted allowing them to make their way through the crowd.

They got as far away from the women as they needed to, to get a healthy head start. They passed the registration table and turned back at the throng that was still pursuing them slowly at a distance. The women had angry looks on their faces and started to move forward again. Kakashi said, "RUN FOR IT!" as he sprayed the bottle in an arc again, hoping to slow them down.

The three members made it far enough away from the enraged throng of women to use their ninja skills to poof them back to their regular meeting spot. All three collapsed holding their stomachs, gasping for air, holding their sides. As they caught their breath, Genma turned to Kakashi and said, "I bet you're glad I brought that cologne now."

Kotetsu said, "Yeah, that was lucky wasn't it."

Genma sat up, "Maybe our luck is changing then?"

Both Kakashi and Kotetsu looked at him like he was nuts, dismissed him and concentrated on catching the rest of their breath.

After a few more minutes, Kotetsu said, "Who's next on the list?"

Genma said, "You want to continue? Seriously?"

Kotetsu said, "Why not? I've got no other plans right now. You Kakashi?"

Kakashi said, "I am a bit of a glutton for punishment."

Genma said, "At least you didn't get slapped today."

Kakashi said back, "No, I almost got myself maimed and trampled to death instead."

Genma said, "Oh lighten up. It's settled. Who's our next advisee?"

Kakashi took out the list, and read down, "Raidou's next. Tomorrow?"

Genma and Kotetsu said, "Right!"

Kakashi said, "No speech tonight guys. I'm too tired. Tomorrow, you know where to be and when. See you all then."

Genma and Kotetsu said, "Right," quite a bit slower as the adrenalin finally left their bodies and left them exhausted.

The three members made their way slowly back to their homes, thanking the gods above that the women they worshiped weren't able to tear them to shreds for being the manly men they were.

-----

**A/N: **I hope you got a good laugh out of this one. I sure did while I was writing it. I could see it happening in my head. I can just see Kakashi yelling - STAND BACK! lol. If you like, review please!

Next up: We're half way there. Now it's Raidou's turn to impart his successful dating wisdom upon our three members. See you soon!


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Hello everybody. Time to interview Raidou. Enjoy!

-----

It was meeting time again for the three members. Kotetsu walked up to Genma who was flipping his senbon in the air and catching it in his mouth – a pretty amazing trick considering how sharp a senbon is. Kakashi, nose in book, followed shortly.

Kotetsu said, "Anyone seen Raidou today?"

Kakashi said, "I seem to remember him being around the training grounds today. He's getting ready for a mission next week."

Kotetsu said, "Well, let's go see if we can find him."

The three members went to the training grounds to see if Raidou would shed some light on his successful relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

A short time later, they found Raidou sitting on the ground against one of the training pillars, sweaty, looking tired, and pouring a bottle of water over his head. They approached him, Genma announcing their presence, "Raidou, yo! Taking a break you slacker?"

Raidou said, "Genma. And Kotetsu and Kakashi. Kotetsu, Kakashi, why do you let this guy hang around with you?"

Kakashi said, "I ask myself that question a lot Raidou."

Genma said, "Shut up! We're here on official business Raidou."

Raidou said, "Is it something serious? Has my mission been moved up? Does Hokage need me for something?"

Genma said, "Keep your pants on Nancy. This is more important than all that."

Raidou asked seriously, "What is it? Tell me!"

Genma said, "Your girlfriend,"

Raidou practically shouted, "Is there something wrong with her?"

Kakashi had to step in, "Raidou, nothing's wrong with your girlfriend,"

Genma said, "Other than the fact that she's dating you."

Kotetsu, who had been quiet up to now, simply reached over and smacked Genma in the back of the head knocking off his forehead protector/headgear. Genma said, "Hey, you fucker!"

Kotetsu said, "Will you shut it already and let the man talk?!" Genma bent and picked up his headgear and Kotetsu was SOOOO tempted to kick him in the ass and send him sprawling, but he decided they'd wasted enough time, so he didn't cause any more of a scene. Genma put his headgear back on grumbling a bit at Kotetsu about him messing up his hair.

Kakashi continued, "Raidou, we're on a fact finding mission and we'd like to ask you a few questions about your girlfriend."

Raidou said, "Why? She's not into anything shady. She's not a secret spy or anything. She's totally honest and plays by the rules. She's as straight as the day is long. What do you want to know about her?"

Kakashi said, "You've already given us a lot of information."

Kotetsu said, "He has?"

Kakashi said, "Certainly. Tell us. How is your relationship with her? Is there any clear cut boss of the relationship? Do you share things equally? Do you trust her?"

Raidou said, "Man you guys are really looking for some personal stuff here. If you really want to know, my relationship with her is based on 100 participation from both of us. There is no boss; everything is give and take, to and from each of us. We do share everything equally and I trust her with my life. She's a girl who's painfully honest and always plays by the rules. But that way, I know she's really real and not some fake, put-on person who's just trying to impress at first, and then shows you the REAL her later. She is what she is and she plays by the rules. She's the real deal."

Kakashi said, "Excellent. Good luck with her. She sounds like quite a catch."

Raidou said, "I believe she is."

Kakashi said, "Thanks for the info. Now I've got to take these knuckleheads and try to explain it to them."

Raidou said, "I'm sure you'll have no problem explaining it to Kotetsu, but Genma,"

Genma said, "Hey!"

Raidou quietly said to Kakashi, "Use small words."

Genma said, "I heard that, asshole!"

The three members, one of them grumbling under his breath, left Raidou and began their brainstorming session.

Kotetsu said, "Sounds like he's dating a nice girl. She's real, not fake like so many girls are at first. Where do you find someone like that?"

Kakashi said, "Girls who play by the rules, are trustworthy, not fake, and are the real deal. They play by the rules, they're honest, hmmm."

Genma said, "Anything?"

Kakashi said, "Almost."

Kotetsu said, "Play by the rules. Where do you play by the rules?

Genma said, "Lots of places."

Kotetsu said, "Yeah, but where's a place where there are lots of girls too?"

A light bulb appeared over Kakashi's head. "How about a casino? A gaming house? The girls there have to be honest, they're watched incredibly closely. And they play by the rules because that's part of their job. They've got to be trustworthy or they could rob the place blind."

Genma said, "I take back every bad thing I ever said about you man."

Kotetsu was smiling. Kakashi asked him, "What's the big grin for?"

Kotetsu said, "Know what else is in casinos? Show girls."

Genma's and Kakashi's eyes glazed over at the thought of scantily clad women with beautiful outfits with outlandish head dresses on. Kakashi slowly put his book away as his mind continued to run away with him. Genma said like a little kid, "When can we go? Huh? When?"

Kotetsu said, "Is now too soon?"

Kakashi said, "Yes."

Both Genma and Kotetsu whined, "Whyyyyy!"

Kakashi said, "It's still early. Go home, eat something, get cleaned up and meet me at the Flaming Lotus at 8:00 tonight. Gentleman! Let's go find some REAL women!"

Kotetsu and Genma shouted, "Right!" And they were off.

The three members headed home to make themselves look light straight laced men who were out looking for really real women who were willing to "play by the rules."

-----

**A/N: **Ok so far? Only 7 more chapters to go. And there's a bit surprise reveal closer to the end. More to come. Review please!

Next up: Genma, Kotetsu and Kakashi find some girls who SERIOUSLY play by the rules. See you soon!


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Hi! Here we go. Let's see how "lucky" the guys get at the casino. Will Raidou's advice work? Enjoy!

-----

Outside the Flaming Lotus, all three members met and admired how the other two looked. All had on semi-dressy-casual clothes. Each looked a little mysterious, and slightly serious. Kakashi still had his mask on of course, Genma had his senbon and Kotetsu, well he was just Kotetsu. They began to discuss their plan of attack.

Kakashi said, "Be careful in there. Look around for women who have to play by the rules, and who will be trustworthy. They're the real ones, not the fake ones. Did you both bring money to gamble?" Both nodded. "Alright then, spread out and we'll meet back here at midnight if things go well."

Genma and Kotetsu said, "Right!" and the three members opened the doors to the Flaming Lotus and a possibly a night full of unbridled love, played by the rules of course.

Genma made his way to a blackjack table where no one was seated. Only the girl who dealt the cards was there, and she was gorgeous and dark looking. She had almost black eyes that matched her black hair. She wore a dealer's outfit, black pants, white blouse and black vest and bow tie. Genma thought, _I'd like to see her without the vest, blouse unbuttoned, bowtie dangling,_ then the girl asked him if he was interested in playing. _More than you know honey_ was all he thought, but he answered, "Sure, I'll play a round."

The girl said, "You mean, you'll play a 'hand.'"

"Right."

"Place your bet please." Genma placed a minimum bet and the dealer began to deal the cards. It was him against her, and he wanted it no other way. She said, "Would you like another card?"

Genma glanced at the cards she'd dealt him. He was no whiz at blackjack, but he decided that he'd stand on his 16 score. He motioned that he wanted no more cards, waving his hand over his cards, all the while staring at her – repeating somewhat, what he had done at the library days ago. The dealer's hand was 13 so she had to draw a card for herself. She smiled at Genma as she laid down a 5, and took his money. At that point, he didn't care much. This enchanting woman was playing cards with him, and taking his money and all he could think about was her half naked with her dangling bow tie.

- - -

Kotetsu wandered to a wheel of fortune. The girl who was spinning the wheel there was lovely. She had on a sparkly shiny gold outfit that was cut out in just the right places, yet left enough to the imagination. Kotetsu approached her and the two other people who were at the wheel. She said, "Good evening, care to take a chance?" _Absolutely_ thought Kotetsu. He took out some money and laid it on a number, not paying attention to which one he'd even chosen. He was too busy thinking about this lovely creature in front of him and how he'd love to take a chance with her.

Everyone placed their bets and the girl spun the wheel. There were only three people playing so it was pretty unlikely that anyone would win this time, but it was exciting just the same. Kotetsu didn't even care. He was enjoying the young woman in the shiny dress, thinking how much he'd like to see it crumpled up on the floor in his bedroom. His conscious mind slammed back into his head when the girl started jumping up and down shouting, "You won honey, you won!" He didn't even care that much that he'd actually won, but if winning made her jump up and down some more, he'd play all night! The girl handed him a large sum of money and he knew it was customary to tip the girl if you won, so he handed her a rather large bill that she slowly and purposefully folded and slid down the front of her dress. Kotetsu's mind screamed _she did NOT just do that! Oh no she didn't! Maybe if I stick around long enough, she'll let me fetch it for her later._

_- - -_

Kakashi made his way to the stage area where a gorgeous woman was sitting on a stool singing. She had a lovely voice, and was dressed exactly the way Kakashi liked. Not that he liked anything in particular – he just like HOW women wore their clothes, and this one was doing it perfectly. She wore a tuxedo jacked that had sparkly studs outlining it, white gloves on her hands, white starched shirt, black short shorts with sparkly studs like the jacket, and black hose that had the most amazing thing up the side. On the outside of the hose, up the side of both the girls' legs, was an embroidered tiger that reached from ankle to knee – done in black to match the hose, with a jewel where the eye was supposed to be.

He walked up front close to the stage and sat down, put his feet up on another chair, leaned back and watched her. She caught him looking at her and focused her singing right at him. He enjoyed it. It felt to him as if she was massaging him with her voice. She got up off her chair and walked over to him, standing right in front of him. He leaned forward a bit so he could get an even closer look at the tigers running up her legs. He thought _wow. I wonder if those hose tear easily._

_- - -_

Genma was starting to get worried. Sure he was having a great time with the beautiful girl who was so expertly taking his money, but that was just it. She was taking ALL his money! And she was ENJOYING it too! He hadn't won once yet and was getting a little low on funds. Still she was very friendly with him and seemed to be a little flirty even. Since he thought he still had a chance, he continued to gamble, and lose.

It didn't take him long to lose the last of his money. He smiled sideways at the young girl as she waited for him to put down another bet. He said, "You're very good at what you do."

"Thank you," she said smiling back at him. "Place your bet please."

Genma decided to pounce, and said, "So, what do you say, you and me get out of here when you get off work. Or better yet, maybe we can meet up on a day you don't have to work and," suddenly the girl was no longer smiling at him. "What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?"

The girl said, "Are you going to play or what?"

Genma was a little confused. One second ago this gorgeous woman was flirting and smiling with him and he was pretty sure he had a chance, but now, she seemed to be pissed at him. What the fuck? So Genma asked her, "What's up with you? You were all nice one minute and now, man, you sound kind of angry of something!"

The girl scowled at him, and said, "I'm getting paid to keep the players happy. I kept you happy while you were playing. Now you're not. So I don't have to keep you happy anymore. Those are the rules."

The rules. This girl definitely played by them. If these were the rules these girls played by, he wanted no part of them. Genma said, "Fine then. You can stuff your rules." He got up and decided to wander over to the entertainment area for a while. He had no cash left, so a little entertainment wouldn't hurt him.

- - -

Kotetsu was having more luck than anyone could have dreamed, but still the one thing that occupied his mind more than anything at that moment was the girl in the gold dress. She kept calling him "honey," and "doll," and "sweetheart," and he loved every minute of it. She seemed genuinely interested in him, and all he could do was look at her, still imagining the dress crumpled up somewhere in his bedroom.

The wheel that Kotetsu kept winning on had a maximum cap that it would pay out. He eventually reached that cap. Sure he'd won a lot of money, and he was entitled to it, but the casino would pay out no more to any one person. He wasn't permitted to place any more bets on this wheel, and the golden dressed girl was the one who told him that. She said kindly, "I'm sorry baby, but you've reached your limit. You did really well! You must have good luck. Now it's time for you to move on. Have a nice night!"

Kotetsu thought _wait a minute. I thought we were connecting a bit here!_ He said, "Do you want me to stick around a while? I could wait for you if you'd like,"

Immediately the golden girl said, "NO. You can't be here anymore; you've won all that they'll pay you. You can't tip me anymore either, so you might as well go. Those are the rules."

Kotetsu said in his mind_ son of a bitch! She was all happy for me winning because I was tipping her the whole time. Sure I won a ton of money, but she only wanted me for the money I was giving her! All that sweetie, baby, honey bullshit was to get me to stick around, and now that she's done with me, she wants me gone. Fine._ Kotetsu got up and left her. He didn't like this way of playing by the rules – it was rather mean.

Kotetsu decided that since he couldn't gamble anymore, he'd take his money and check out the entertainment. The night was still young, so maybe a drink and some music would make him feel better.

- - -

Kakashi smirked at the singer who was standing in front of him, singing her little heart out to him. She began making elaborate hand gestures that went along with the lyrics she was singing. Suggestive lyrics at that! Kakashi thought _sing it to me. Yeah. It's like you're talking dirty to me, in your hot little outfit, with those tigers running up your legs._ Kakashi leaned forward, his chin close to the bottom of the stage. He was certainly enjoying the view, and enjoying the attention the singer was lavishing upon him.

Then the singer did something that surprised Kakashi. She squatted down, and put one knee on the stage, continuing to sing directly to him. Then she reached out, and touched her finger to his neck and ran it up and away from his chin. Something inside Kakashi snapped and he decided at that moment that he had to find out what her tigers felt like. Her song was coming to a close anyway; he'd wait just a moment longer.

The singer finished her song and amid the applause that followed, Kakashi's hand followed the tiger from the singer's right ankle to her right knee. She didn't flinch. She didn't break her smile. She was a professional and she kept her cool. She just looked at him and motioned him to come closer to her. She grabbed his chin and said, "There's only one rule here."

Kakashi said, "Yeah? What's that?"

She said, "I can touch," **_SMACK_**, "but you can't." The singer stood up and walked off stage, leaving Kakashi with his face stinging.

Kotetsu and Genma had seen the whole thing; Genma wasn't even going to rib Kakashi about it. Instead, they both went up to Kakashi, put their hands on either one of his shoulders to let him know they were there, and then they motioned it was time to leave. Kakashi just nodded and got up, rubbing his throbbing face.

After they got outside, Genma couldn't resist, "I wondered how long it'd be before you got slapped again."

Kakashi just said, "It was SO worth it."

Kotetsu said, "I did well."

Both Kakashi and Genma looked at him. Kakashi said, "Did you make some time with a lady?"

Kotetsu said, "She only wanted me for my money. I won big." He pulled out a huge wad of bills and the others marveled.

Genma said, "At least one of us had a little luck."

Kotetsu said, "Yeah, but not with the ladies. We're still not doing something right. How many more are on our list Kakashi?"

Kakashi whipped out the list and said, "Three. Gai, Asuma and Jiraiya."

Kotetsu said, "Genma, let's me and you talk to Gai tomorrow. Give Kakashi a break."

Kakashi said, "That girl hit HARD. Ow."

Genma said, "I think she hit you with her microphone."

Kotetsu said, "Genma, just meet me tomorrow, same time, same place, and we'll go talk to Gai. I'm going home to hide my money so Izumo won't take any."

Genma said, "I'm going home to try and see if I have any money stashed around my house."

Kakashi said, "I'm going home to ice my face."

The three members went to their respective houses; a little disappointed at how bad playing by the rules really sucked.

-----

**A/N:** How'm I doin'? If you like, review please!

Next up: GAI! Finally, it's time to interview the great green beast! YES! How will his advice help the members? Read on and find out! See you soon!


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Here we go. It's the one you've all been waiting for. Gai! Let's do it! Enjoy!

-----

The next day, Kotetsu met Genma at their regular meeting place. Kotetsu started, "So how are we gonna do this? Gai's an interesting dude to say the least. How do you want to approach this?"

Genma said, "I have no fucking clue. Let's just go find him and see what happens."

"Just remember, don't mention Kakashi."

"Right."

Then the two of the three members went in search of Gai, the eclectic, eccentric green beastly ninja. It didn't take them long to find him. He was conducting a mock mission with his team, and he was leading the way. "That's it team, feel the power of youth! Let it flow through you to help you carry out your mission!"

Rock Lee, Neji, and Tenten responded to Gai's rantings since they'd known him for practically their entire ninja careers. Now they were "Team Gai," and they were quite used to him and his energetic ways. Rock Lee especially loved the way Gai trained them, and enjoyed every minute he pleased his former sensei. He enthusiastically yelled, "Yes Sensei!" to all of Gai's commands. Gai kept correcting him, telling him that he was no longer his sensei, but his teammate. But that didn't matter to Lee, Gai was his everything.

Kotetsu and Genma approached Gai and Genma yelled over, "Gai got a minute? Need to ask you something."

Gai held up a finger and then addressed his team, "Alright you three listen up! Tenten, you will summon your weapons and throw them at Neji. Neji, you will stand at the far end of the training ground, and you will repel them with your rotation technique."

Both Tenten and Neji said, "Right," and went off and got into position on the practice field. Rock Lee came up saluting Gai and said, "What about me sensei?!!"

Gai said, "Lee, it's not sensei anymore, BUT if you insist, I'll let it slide. Tenten will throw the weapons; Neji will deflect them, and you Lee,"

"YES SENSEI?!"

"You'll dodge them, from both directions. It's a new training technique I've developed. I like to call it, "ninja in the middle." Kotetsu and Genma took note and nodded thinking; that was a pretty good training technique Gai had thought up there.

Gai turned back to Kotetsu and Genma and said, "Welcome to my training session fellas. Have you come here to assist me in a flawlessly energetic training session? Or is there something you've come to learn from me? Anything at all you'd like to know, I'm your guy, get it?"

Kotetsu, and Genma tried not to roll their eyes, but it didn't work. Finally Genma asked, rather slyly, "We hear you're quite the ladies man Gai."

Gai practically shouted at them, "I don't like to honk my own horn; I usually let the ladies do it for me, HAW! No seriously, I do have a good rapport with the fairer sex. Have for some time now. In fact, I've never once been turned down for a date, or "other things," EVER."

Kotetsu and Genma marveled. Konoha's great green beast was a lady killer! Genma said, "Tell us more!"

Gai said, "Again, I don't like to brag, but there's a pretty good chance that my wonderful former student Lee may actually be my son. I knew his mother, quite "well" many years ago."

Genma said quietly, "That would explain the eyebrows." Kotetsu elbowed him in the ribs. Genma said, "Well what's your secret Gai? You seem to have it going on. What makes you so, wanted by the ladies?"

"Why it's quite simple. Isn't it obvious?"

Kotetsu and Genma both shrugged at him, not saying anything. So Gai said, "It's my youthful exuberance and devilishly handsome good looks of course! A lethal combination when it comes to just about any lady. Why are you asking so many questions? Are you two having a bit of a dry spell with the ladies?" Both nodded and admitted their shortcomings, literally.

Gai told them, "It's never too late to start back up again! Let the power of youth explode out of you! Go to where the energetic youthful people go! Show the ladies that you're full of life, and excitement and fire! Then there's no way they'll turn you down because it's contagious. When you're having fun, people want to have fun with you. If you're sulking and doubting yourself, no one will come near you. So find your youthful energy and get out there and get back in the game!"

Both Kotetsu and Genma yelled, "Right!"

Gai said, "That's the spirit! You two are just having a dry patch, but it'll end soon. Just go out there and make it end! Good luck to both of you! Let me know what happens."

Both Kotetsu and Genma thanked Gai for his energetic answers to their questions.

As they walked away, Kotetsu had to admit, Gai had something there alright. He was a charismatic man, no doubt about that, and his energy was contagious. He asked Genma, "Where can we find that kind of energy, and use it and share it with youthful, energetic women?"

"I'm not sure. We're looking for women who would be turned on and want to join in with us while we're being energetic and youthful."

"Let's go find Kakashi and tell him,"

"Tell me what?" Kakashi said from a tree they were walking past. "What did the walking eyebrow have to say? Anything we can work with?"

Kotetsu said, "He said mostly the same stuff he always says, about youthful this and blah blah. But he did say one thing that kind of sticks with me. He said, that people will be drawn to us if we're having fun, and will be repelled by us if we're down and depressing."

Kakashi thought a minute and said, "I hate to admit this, but he's right."

Kotetsu said, "Now all we have to do is think of a place where energetic youthful women go, who would happily join in with us if we were having fun, and being, well youthful."

Genma spoke up, "I seem to remember something I saw on a flier that was on the bulletin board we were reading. Something about a women's volley ball tournament? It's outdoors in sand pits. We could go there and see if we could get up a game of guys, or maybe we could just play one on one and see if they'd like to join in."

Kakashi said, "And his brain awakens."

Genma said, "Hey! I'm contributing here! Get off my ass!"

Kotetsu said, "Actually, that's a pretty good idea. Plus it'll give us a chance to show ourselves off a bit."

Genma said, "Are you some kind of Olympic volley ball player or something?"

Kotetsu said, "No. What I meant was, showing _ourselves_ off. You know what they wear at those tournaments right?"

Genma said, "What, summer clothes right?"

Kotetsu said, "Almost nothing. If we were to play, we'd be in shorts and THAT'S IT. NO shirts, no shoes, no socks, just a pair of shorts and maybe some sun block. But there are a few benefits to all this."

Genma said, "And what would those be?"

Kotetsu smiled at Kakashi and said, "The girls wear just as much "nothing" as we do."

Genma said, "Ooooohhh, yeaaahhh."

Then Kotetsu continued, "And since we're wearing practically nothing, and they're wearing practically nothing, we're more than halfway there dude. We just have to put this whole youthful exuberance thing in the mix and BINGO, we've got interested athletic females falling all over us – literally!"

Kakashi said, "Even though this idea came from Gai, I have to say we've bent it just enough for me to say I'm in."

Kotetsu said, "Genma, go back to the bulletin board and find out what time the tournaments start."

Genma said, "Right!" He was gone in a flash.

Kakashi turned to Kotetsu and said, "So what else did old green underpants have to say?"

Kotetsu said, "I don't think you really want to know. Some of it might make you think of him differently, and since you two are such life long rivals, I don't really want to tell you."

"What, that Lee may be his son?"

"You knew about that?"

"We're rivals remember? We both liked Lee's mother quite some time ago, so it's kind of obvious who got there first."

"There's more."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Go ahead."

"Only if you're sure."

"Kotetsu, either tell me or don't."

"Alright. Gai said he's never been turned down by a woman for a date or anything else,"

"Huh?"

"EVER."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

Kakashi was quiet a moment then he said, "Ok then. Let's use his techniques on the volley ball girls and see what we can get accomplished." Kakashi was a little quiet after that, quietly hating the fact that he'd had a seven month dry spell of no women or dates or anything, and Gai and NEVER been turned down EVER. He hated even more, having to admit that the great green beast of Konoha was actually its biggest stud. Oh, how it sickened him.

Genma appeared suddenly and said, "We've got a day to practice. Tournament's in two days."

Kakashi said, "We won't enter the tournament, it is for ladies only, but we'll come dressed like we're going to play. How about we arrive early so we can occupy a court and hit a few back and forth. Stir up some interest maybe?"

Genma said, "Sure you can do that?"

"What, stir up interest?"

"No, arrive early."

"You're asking for a beating."

"Alright Kakashi, keep your shirt on, for now. Let's get together tomorrow and hit a few before we go to the tournament. I don't want to look like a dork in front of the ladies."

Kakashi resisted retaliating, but Kotetsu did not. He said, "You look like a dork any other time, what makes you think you won't just because you're in front of some ladies? Dork."

Genma said, "Oh, what the fuck is with YOU now. You're as bad as him!"

Kotetsu said, "Come on. Put a sock in it Genma. Meet us tomorrow and we'll practice so you don't look like a dork."

Genma grumbled, Kakashi giggled. He liked Kotetsu more every day. But in the meantime, the three members went their separate ways to rest up for the practicing they'd do the following day, to prepare for the ladies volley ball tournament where they'd let the power of their youth explode!

-----

**A/N:** Gai, you gotta love Gai. So will this work? Will the guys have a chance? Read on and find out.

Next up: The power of youth explodes as our three members get totally engulfed in volley ball and the women involved in it. See you soon!


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** Ninjas and volleyball? Actually it could work pretty well. Let's see how they do this time. Enjoy!

-----

Kakashi, Genma and Kotetsu did get together and practice their volley ball moves. They were surprisingly good at it. Mostly because their ninja skills made it easy for them to anticipate the trajectory of a ball when it was hit and their speed got them to where the ball would be before it was able to hit the ground. They thought they might be good enough to form a three man team of their own. One thing was for sure, they were not going to look like dorks in front of the ladies, unless they screwed something up royally.

The day of the tournament came and Kotetsu and Genma arrived early, looking for Kakashi. Both were dressed in what they considered volley ball attire – beach shorts, tank tops and flip flops. Noticing Kakashi was nowhere to be found, Genma said, "Told you he wouldn't make it early."

Kotetsu said, "Whatever man, we'll wait for him. Get a load of this place. Three courts to watch and that means six teams at a time. All those women in practically no clothes, jumping around, rolling around and there will probably be some grunting too! This place is terrific!"

Genma said, "Yeah, I can't wait until it's full of scantily clad women."

Both ninja took a seat in some bleachers by the entrance and waited for Kakashi to show. Meanwhile the area began to fill up with barely dressed women, not much more than their team colors indicating who was on what team. Kakashi had still not shown, but the other two members didn't even miss him. They were too busy woman watching to notice it was getting late and the tournament was about to begin.

Soon the bleachers were packed with enthusiastic volley ball spectators. Kotetsu mentioned, "Dude, I can feel the energy around this place! Gai was right, youthful energy is contagious!"

Genma said, "Yeah, did you see those girls over there? OH God, that one better be careful, if she jumps she may just fall out of her top."

Kakashi spoke up, "Which one is that?"

Kotetsu and Genma hadn't even noticed when he'd arrived. Genma said, "Where the hell have you been?"

"I had a better idea of how to get the ladies interested, so I took a little extra time to plan."

Genma said, "It better be good. Don't disappoint us."

Kotetsu said, "Yeah," between ogling one girl and then the next.

Kakashi said, "Just relax and enjoy the show."

The three members watched the ladies volleyball tournament with great interest. They especially liked it when the girls would jump up high, get all stretched out, and spike the ball into their opponent's faces. But then they liked any jumping, stretching and hitting that any of the girls did. The energy coming from the girls who were playing was indeed catchy and all three found themselves really getting into the games, cheering when points were won, and elbowing each other, pointing and yelling when there were particularly excellent moves made. It was like for a little while, they left the deadly ninjas behind and became professional girl's volleyball fans. The girls themselves were indeed athletic wonders. The three members were quite impressed, and not only by their scantily clad physiques.

The tournaments ended with a fantastic show of athleticism, and absolutely no bathing suit mishaps, much to the members' disappointment. Afterward, Kotetsu turned to Kakashi and said, "So what's this big plan you've got?"

"It's not that big a plan. Just sit here for a while and watch."

Genma said, "What the hell is he talking about, just about all the volleyball girls are leaving or have already gone. The place is clearing out. What are we waiting for?"

Kakashi smacked Genma on the back and said, "The wannabees," and he pointed to the not-so athletic, slightly curvier girls who decided that they wanted to take a crack at volleyball since the tournaments were over. Kakashi said, "The wannabees have caught some of the youthful energy from the professional volleyball girls. They want to try it out for themselves. But who do you think they're going to play?"

Genma said, drooling slightly as a very curvy girl took a swat at a volleyball and sent it sailing, "us."

Kakashi said, "Precisely. Care to play?" He got up and headed for where the girls were gathering. Kotetsu and Genma stumbled over themselves trying to catch up to him.

Kakashi walked over to the group of girls and said, "You girls up for a game? The tournament was fantastic, and we feel like hitting a few over the net. Wanna play?"

Kotetsu almost giggled at Kakashi's reference to the girls "playing" with them. Oh the thoughts that ran through his head; girls, sand, very little clothing. He brought himself back to the task at hand when one of the girls said, "Sure, we'll play with you." Even more thoughts, _naughty_ thoughts. Then Kotetsu saw Kakashi turn away from the girls and take his shirt off. He asked him, "What are you doing?"

Kakashi said, "Don't you remember dolt? Volley ball players wear very little clothes, you said so yourself! Plus, I don't want to get sand in my shirt, and I want them to get a good look at how much I've been working out lately." Kotetsu couldn't argue with that logic and whipped his shirt off, and kicked his flip flops to the side of the court. Genma followed shortly thereafter.

The girls then decided who was going to play them. There were six girls total, which, by Kakashi, Genma and Kotetsu's calculations, would equal two girls for each of them which they thought would be just fine. But since they decided to play three on three, three of the girls decided to go on to a local hangout not far from the courts for some adult refreshments. The three girls who were playing were to meet them there later.

Kakashi chivalrously said, "Ladies first," and tossed the ball to one of the girls. The girls were a bit giggly, which all three members thought was just the cutest thing. Curvy giggly girls in practically no clothes, ready to jump around with them. And all around them youthful energy still hung thick in the air. It was a fine day indeed.

Kotetsu playfully said, "Whenever you're ready. Don't worry; we'll go easy on ya!" Genma went over to Kotetsu and high-fived him, the spirit of youth running through their veins.

The girl with the ball, backed up, threw the ball high and hit it with an almighty slap. The ball went sailing right between Kakashi and Kotetsu who had both dived toward it, but both missed. The serving girl yelled, "That's one for us!" As Kakashi and Kotetsu were getting up, Kotetsu said, "I think we're going to have to try a little bit harder or that "dork" factor is going to come out."

Kakashi said, "You're right. Let's do it. Genma. Tighten it up." Genma nodded knowing that Kakashi meant, "Don't fuck around anymore."

When the girls served the next time, the three members brought their ninja skills to the volleyball court. They set up a volley so that Kotetsu could jump high, stretch out, and tap the ball over the other side, making sure he didn't slam any girls' faces in the process. The ball was in and the service was theirs. They energetically high-fived, and proceeded to gain service.

The game raged on back and forth. Who would have known that the so called "wannabees" were actually really good individually, but they didn't exactly play like a well oiled team. The three members though, were in fact trained to work as a team outside the volleyball world, so they just translated it into the court and began winning point after point. They felt fantastic. Full of life! Full of energy, and they not only high-fived, but chest bumped and even exchanged a few rounds of ass slaps when someone did a particularly spectacular save. They figured since the profession girl's volleyball players did it, so should they.

The game came to a conclusion, with the guys letting the girls win by two points – or so they said. They didn't want to crush them completely, but wanted to have a fun time with them. The three members noticed then that the girls were done and wanted to leave to join their friends, so Genma said to the other members, "What do we do now? They look like they want to go."

Kotetsu said, "Why don't we go with them?"

Kakashi said, "We haven't been asked. Let's see if we can join them."

Genma said, "Ladies, leaving so soon?"

One of the girls said, "Yeah, we should meet our friends. Sun's going down and it's going to get cooler. You guys should probably get going too."

The three members looked at each other nodding, they all wanted to go with the girls and maybe make that "two girls for every guy" thing a reality. So Genma said, "Where you going? Got room for a few guys to tag along?"

The girls looked a little shocked, and then they started whispering amongst themselves. One of the girls said, "Uhm, well, I don't know if you'd like where we're going. Shouldn't you be going out with your friends?"

Genma said, "Well, we wouldn't mind being YOUR friends tonight."

The girl said, "But we thought you guys were gay."

Kakashi, Kotetsu and Genma stared at them with blank looks on their faces.

The girl continued, "You know. You all have perfect hairless bodies, and all that chest bumping and ass slapping. Gay. We're outta here." The girls gathered their things and turned and left the three stunned members.

Kotetsu said, "Gay. What the fuck gay? I am so not gay!"

Genma said, "I'm more not gay than you! I think."

Kakashi just said, "Gai is an asshole."

Genma said, "At least you didn't get slapped this time."

Kakashi said, "Calling me gay is the same as a slap in the face, and it hurts even worse I'll have you know."

The three members turned to leave, and after gathering up their things, they agreed to meet the next day to finish up the two remaining members on their list. This was getting tedious, and if they didn't find some good advice in these last two men, they decided they'd all just become ninja monks instead.

-----

**A/N:** The power of youth did not help our members this time. But what about next time? Only four chapters to go. Will they ever be successful??? Will Kakashi's face ever heal? Review please!

Next up: Kotetsu, Genma and Kakashi ask Asuma for his advice. How can the guys screw this one up? Where there's a will . . . See you soon!


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **Hi everyone, back again. This is the Asuma chapter, and I was feeling a little nostalgic when I wrote it. It has a bit of a tribute to him and the 3rd. No need to be sad, I just felt like doing it. So let's see what kind of advice he'll give to our three members. Enjoy!

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The next afternoon, the three members met at the usual meeting place. Genma asked, "And our next contestant is,"

"Asuma," Kakashi said.

Kotetsu said, "Now that guy, jeez, he's a beast."

"Yeah," said Genma, "He's got to have some good advice. I hear he's dated Kurenai for quite a long time, and she's a firecracker. He's got to have a good bit of info for us."

Kakashi said, "Either that, or as one of you mentioned earlier, he's hung like a horse."

Kotetsu said, "Ew, do we have to go there? I don't even want to think about anything like that after being accused of being gay yesterday."

Kakashi said, "Yeah, that is kinda weird now, come to think of it. Let's go find him and see what his secret is."

The three members went to find Asuma to see if he had any insight on what women really like, not really caring if he was hung like a horse or not.

They found out that Asuma was of all places, at his father's grave. He'd really come to respect the man after he died saving the village. He'd also really come to accept his own responsibility as a guardian of Konoha after seeing the sacrifice his father made for every single man woman and child that lived in the village. The three members waited silently until Asuma started to leave the gravesite. When Asuma turned and lit a cigarette, he spied Kakashi, Genma and Kotetsu waiting for him a little ways away.

Genma said, "Hey Asuma."

Kotetsu said, "Asuma."

Kakashi said, "Yo."

Asuma acknowledged them with a wave first then said, "What's going on guys? Meeting of the losers club?" The three members looked at each other silently. How did he know?

Kakashi said, "Funny, smart ass. Hey, need some help."

"What is it?"

"Kurenai."

"What about her?"

"How'd you get her to like you?"

"That wasn't so hard. She's a gorgeous woman. We worked together quite a lot and I helped mentor her into the jonin program. Since we spent so much time together, we got to know each other a lot. We went out a few times as friends, and a little sake loosened her lips. And then she started to tell me things."

The three members moved in closer, and Genma said, "Like what things?"

Asuma said, "Like what women are really like."

Kotetsu said, "No shit?"

"No shit," Asuma said. "Really opened my eyes."

Genma said, "And her advice to you worked?"

"She's still around isn't she?" All three members exchanged glances. Asuma just may have all the answers they were looking for.

Kotetsu asked, "What did she say when she was lubed up on sake?"

Asuma got close to the guys and said, "She told me that she loved big men." Immediately all three members imagined Asuma as a great horse, who was hung like, well himself. All three quickly pushed the thought out of their heads as Asuma continued, "She said most women love manly men. Men who are muscular, and strong, and willing to show that strength to their women. Basically she was saying, women like attractive looking men, face and body, and they like being dominated at times. Women respond to strength, but you also have to have a gentle side. Worked for me."

Kotetsu looked at Asuma and said, "When I grow up, I want to be YOU."

Asuma chuckled and said, "Dude, give it a try. Women appreciate a strong man. I'm telling you."

Kakashi said, "Thanks man. You're a wealth of information."

Asuma said, "No problem."

Kakashi then broke the mood a bit and said, "Sorry about your dad. He was a great man."

Asuma said, "He surely was. I just wish I appreciated him more while he was still here."

Kakashi said, "He was always proud of you. He'd be so proud to see the way you're handling things here without his guidance."

Asuma said, "Thanks. I needed to hear that today."

Kakashi said, "Thanks for the advice. Treat Kurenai well. She's good for you."

Asuma said, "She's more than I deserve."

Kakashi said, "Then treat her like it."

Asuma said, "I thought you wanted my advice, and now I'm taking away some pretty good stuff from you. You're one of a kind Kakashi."

"Thanks. We'd better go."

A very sober Kotetsu and Genma patted Asuma on the back and said their own "thanks" and off the three members went.

After they'd walked a little ways quietly, Kakashi said, "That Asuma,"

Kotetsu said, "Yeah?"

Kakashi said, "He's a good guy."

Genma said, "You sound gay. I think the girls were right." And instinctively, Genma ducked and Kakashi's sweeping fist sailed over his head. But that broke the mood and the three members decided to figure out where they could find women who loved manly men. Big strong hulking dominating men, just like they were, or at least like they thought they were.

Kotetsu started, "So where do we go to find these women who find strong men so appealing."

Kakashi said, "If it isn't obvious to you now, I won't tell you." He waited a moment then looked at Genma who nodded. Genma in turn looked at Kotetsu who said, "Oh." Then all three said in chorus, "To the Gym!"

So the three members made their way to the gym to see if they could find women who would love the manly men who were as gorgeous and studly and as powerful as they obviously were!

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**A/N:** Ok so far? Review please! Strong manly men huh? Let's see what trouble our friends can get into next shall we? Only 3 more chapters after this one.

Next up: Each of the members pick a woman at the gym to be manly for. How will they react when faced with such awesome manliness? Next chapter tells all! See you soon!


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** Hi all! For those of you who have not checked out my profile page, here's a little background to this story. I peruse looking for inspiration and once I typed in Kotetsu just to see what would come up. A picture of Kotetsu, Genma and Kakashi - shirtless - came up and that's what inspired me to write this fanfic using those three guys. In fact, that picture goes with a part of this chapter - you'll see where. If you'd like to see the picture, just search on Kotetsu and you can't miss it. The artist's name is Technoelfie, and she's brilliant. So with that in mind, let's see what trouble these guys get into at the gym. Enjoy!

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The three members stopped at their respective homes, packed their "gym gear," and headed to the gym. The place was busy, lots of people went there after work to help them de-stress their day. As they entered the building and had a look around, they marveled at the women in tight leotard type outfits with g-strings on the outside of the leotards. It's not like they'd never seen women dressed like this before, they frequented the gym quite often, but usually they were there to focus on themselves and their own workouts. Most of the time, they chose to work out at home, because it was more convenient as well as less distracting. But now, since it had been so long since they'd had dates, they were looking a little harder at their surroundings, and the attractive, sweaty, potential dates that were all around them.

Kotetsu smacked Genma in the chest and said, "Lose the senbon, and look at that." Genma turned to the direction that Kotetsu was pointing to see a girl with a very pert bottom working out on a stair-stepping machine. It was like she was climbing forever and each step up she took made her back side _flex_. A metal rattle was heard as Genma's senbon dropped from his slack jawed mouth.

Kakashi pulled them aside and said, "Alright, here we go. Get sweaty, be manly, flex a lot, and be confident! Put on a show for the ladies here and let them know what studs we really are!"

Genma and Kotetsu said, "Right!" and off they went to pump themselves up in front of the ladies, and hopefully attract some positive attention, while avoiding beatings if at all possible.

Genma and Kotetsu and Kakashi all went for treadmills that were open. Each then started walking a few minutes, before breaking into a loping jog. Each warmed up a bit more, then upped the speed and the incline of the treadmills to bring on the sweat. Each knew that women liked men who looked "oiled up" a bit and a slight sweat sheen was just as good. They ran for about ten minutes just to warm up for the lifting part of their workouts, and then slowed their runs to a walk before getting off the treadmills and splitting up. Each ninja scanned the room, not looking too conspicuous, and chose a woman to be manly and "work" out for.

Kotetsu decided that a lady working in the free weights section was going to get his undivided attention. He said, "Is the bench open? You're not using it right now are you? I just didn't want to jump in front of you if you were going to use it."

She said, "Oh, no, not at all. You go right ahead."

"Thanks." He went over and began to load the bar with some decently heavy weight. He got himself into position and pushed the bar straight up, controlled it as he lowered it back down to his chest, then he pushed it back up again. He did this twelve times until he started feeling the fatigue that told him his chest muscles were awake and functioning at their max. Then he jumped up and removed a bit of weight and proceeded to do 24 repetitions of the same exercise. This made his chest muscles hard and defined, and with the slight sweaty sheen he was sporting, he knew he was quite a sight to behold. He did have a tank top on, but it showed enough skin to be impressive none the less.

He had to concentrate on what he was doing or he might hurt himself, so he took it upon himself to steel fleeting glances at the women he was "working" out for, just to see if she was watching. You better believe she was.

Kotetsu then decided to work his back a bit by doing some one-armed rows. He selected a pretty heavy weight, and positioned himself facing the woman who was his target. He put his left knee on the weight bench, and bending over, put his left hand on the bench too. Then he let the weight he was holding in his right arm go down parallel with the floor. Then he repeatedly pulled the weight up, flexing his back each time as he did so. He began to let out little grunts each time he contracted his back, and did two complete sets of this exercise for his target's enjoyment.

Kotetsu continued to work his way around the free weight stations, performing with confidence for the woman who was lucky enough to be there for him.

- - -

Kakashi headed toward a woman who was working out in the shoulder/arm stations. He asked her, "Mind if I join you? It's shoulders and arms day for me."

"Sure. Come on in," was what the woman said back to him.

After doing multiple sets of bicep and triceps exercises with moderately heavy weights, as well as lateral raises to make his shoulders stand up at attention, he decided to drop the ultimate on this girl. He decided to do his reverse chin ups and really put on a show for her.

What made this such an incredible thing to watch was how Kakashi did them. He'd reach his arms out wide, palms away from him, and he'd grip the chin bar just as wide. Then he'd dangle down, tucking his ankles together behind him. That's when the show began. Kakashi then slowly, almost painfully slowly began to pull him self up with his arms. And each time he did this slow repetition, anyone who watched him thought he'd never even be able to do even one repetition because he did it so slowly. It was like he didn't have enough strength to complete it, but he always did. And the REALLY real show was what he looked like when he did it. Every time he contracted his arms and shoulders to pick himself up, and the slow slow way he did it, every single muscle from his wrists to halfway down his back was emphasized. As he began to pull, his forearms flexed, outlining the long sinewy muscles beneath his skin. Then his biceps would bulge a bit with the extra slow strain, followed by his outer shoulders where the muscles seemed to be contracting and moving under his skin as he pulled himself up slowly. Finally, the upper shoulder muscles straight across his upper back would all stand out and be perfectly defined as he pulled himself up, finally tucking his head forward so the back of his neck would touch the bottom of the chin bar. It truly was a sight to see.

And that wasn't all. The whole process repeated itself in reverse order as he slowly lowered himself down. It could take him a full minute to pull himself up and a full minute to lower himself down, every single muscle looking like clay being molded under his flesh as he did it.

Kakashi quietly knew that the woman he was performing for was watching him because he could feel the heat on his back. He thought _you want to touch my back don't you. You want to put your hand on my skin and feel the muscles move underneath it. I'd be happy to let you._

_- - -_

Genma found a young lady who was stretching on a mat by an abdominal machine. He found her quite attractive and decided to ask her if she'd help him work out. He asked, "Pardon me, but when you're finished stretching, could you give me a hand? I need to do some ab work and I need a partner to do it."

She said, "What would I have to do?"

He said, "Can you toss a ten pound medicine ball to me, and catch it when I toss it back?"

Not wanting to sound like a wimp the girl said, "Sure."

"Ok. Let me get one." Genma walked over to a rack that held medicine balls of differing weights and brought a ten pound one back. He said, "Here, try this one. Is this ok?" He tossed it at her lightly and she was shocked at how heavy the ball really was.

She said, "I think I can toss this to you. Just what are you going to do?"

He said, "I'll show you." Genma took off his shirt and the girl blushed a little and turned a bit to the side. He said, "I'm just taking this off to show you what I'm working on." Then he went over to an incline abdominal machine. It was just like a flat bench but where your head would go, it was angled down toward the floor and the rest of it sloped up. Genma sat at the top of the slope, and wrapped his ankles under the supports below the top of the bench. He said, "Now you toss the ball to me, I catch it, and toss it back to you. But watch what I do when I catch it."

The girl said, "OK, here goes." She tossed the medicine ball to Genma who caught it easily, and bent back at the waist so his back touched the inclined bench, his head close to the floor, and then he used his abdominal muscles to pull himself back upright and toss the ball back to her. He loved working out like this, and what it did for his abs too.

He said to her, "See, not too difficult, and I really appreciate your help."

She said, "No problem, but what does it do?"

He said, "The extra weight makes me use more of my abdominal muscles to pull myself up so they end up getting really hard. I'll show you how hard in a minute."

Genma completed twelve repetitions of the "toss the ball exercise" and then said, "Come here." The girl came over to him a little shyly and he leaned back a little to make his abs pop. He said, "This is what this exercise does for my stomach." He reached out and took her hand and said, "It's ok, I just want you to feel what it does." He put her hand on his stomach, which was rippling and trembling slightly from fatigue, yet hard as a rock.

The girl gasped and said, "That's incredible! I can tell you've worked really hard to get your body in that condition."

Genma just smiled a confident smile at the girl and continued to hold her hand there. He took it one step further and said, "You've got nice hands. I like how your hand feels on my stomach. That's not the only part of me that's in good condition." He gave her a saucy look and the girl immediately yanked her hand away and kapow! Genma got himself slapped.

She said, "I was happy to help you work out, but using me to feel you up! Pig!" And she stormed away. Genma looked around and saw Kakashi laughing slightly at him, while Kotetsu just shook his head.

- - -

The three members decided, even though Genma HAD to be a pig and get himself slapped, that it was time to reel in some ladies. They'd "worked" out well and had garnerd much attention from the ladies around the gym - even Genma. Each of the members went into the locker room and took a shower, and came out with only some baggy lounge pants on and towels around their necks. Kakashi said, "Let's go stand by the women's locker room. They all have to go there eventually."

Genma said, "Yeah, they can check out our freshly worked out, freakishly handsome, clean bodies."

Kotetsu said, "Yeah. Look here comes a few now."

All three members struck a casual pose there at the entrance to the women's locker room, and put on their "bedroom eyes." They looked at each other confidently as a trio of women strolled up, wanting to go inside. The women walked right past them and one said to her friend, "Nice bodies, they could be models." She glanced sideways at Genma as she walked by them.

Her friend said back to her, "But did you see the way they keep looking at each other? They must be gay."

Genma said, "Oh fuck no. NO!"

Kotetsu said, "Not again! I'm going home. This is ridiculous!"

Kakashi said, "At least I didn't get slapped this time, eh Genma?"

As they gathered their "gym gear" and left they decided that being a little too show-offy and confident just wasn't right for them either. But tomorrow was it. If Jiraiya didn't have any sage advice to give them, they were going to check out the local monasteries.

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**A/N: **Ok, time to begin the wind down. Ok so far? Review please! Read a little further down for a BIG SECRET! Only 2 chapters left.

Jiraiya! What will that man do for them? What advice can he POSSIBLY give them? Tune in and find out what the three members decide to do with his advice.

Next up: Jiraiya gives the three members the secret to his successes - when he does have them. But wait! What's this? A surprise 9th interview-ee appears! And you'll never guess who it is! See you soon!


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Hey everyone! Welcome back. Jiraiya! THE Jiraiya! And, as promised, a surprise 9th interview-ee! Let's get right to it shall we? Enjoy!

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Kotetsu and Genma waited patiently for Kakashi who was late. Duh. When he arrived, nose buried in his latest Icha Icha book he just kept walking and said, "Follow me."

Kotetsu said, "Where're we going?"

Kakashi said, "You'll see." And the three members wandered through the streets of Konoha, two of them wondering where the third was taking them. Their answer was soon evident as they stood outside the women's baths. Kakashi said, "Come on out. I know you're here."

Jiraiya walked around the side of the building and said, "Found me huh. MY BOOK! You're reading my latest book! What do you think? Is it everything my previous books have been? Has it maintained the same high quality that the rest of my artistic collection has?"

Kakashi just put the book to his chest, sighed and said, "I love it. You are a master."

Jiraiya pumped his fists in the air and said, "Yes! I've still got it! Seriously though Kakashi, why were you looking for me. Problems with Naruto again?"

"No. Just wanted to ask your advice on something."

"Ok? What is it you need?"

Kakashi sighed, not believing he was going to ask what he was going to ask and said, "Since you're so adept at your writing and I've seen the results of your exploits with the young women outside of Konoha, tell me what your secret is? How do you get them interested?"

Jiraiya said, "Kakashi my boy, and Genma and Kotetsu, women are a precious thing of beauty. They are spectacular flowers who need to be nurtured along and treated like royalty. I myself will lie through my teeth and tell them anything they want to hear, as long as they'll have a drink of sake with me, and allow me a little cuddle on the side."

Kotetsu said, "This doesn't sound too promising."

Jiraiya said, "My dear boy, it isn't! But I try it all the time and it works about 40 percent of the time. And 40 percent is better than 0 percent!" None of the ninjas could argue with that logic.

Jiraiya continued, eyes looking toward heaven, "Women. Ahh. Young, gorgeous curvy women, all warm and sexy and precious and strong all rolled up into one irresistible ball of love! I'd do anything for a woman; but I've found that lying usually gets them to at least give me some attention."

Kakashi said, "Precious flowers of beauty huh, and lying. You're serious?"

"Absolutely. Try it. Lie if you have to. You still may get what you want. Remember 40 percent is much better than 0 percent!"

Kakashi said, "Thanks Jiraiya. We'll have to think about that. See ya."

After the three members walked out of earshot of Konoha's most famous pervert (aside from Kakashi that is), they began to talk about what he'd said. Kotetsu said, "I don't know where to take this. That guy is SUCH a letch!"

Genma said, "But you can't argue with the old man getting his groove on, if what Kakashi's telling us is the truth."

Kakashi looked at him sideways and said, "It is. I've see him. He doesn't get lucky every time, but when he's on, the women won't leave him alone."

Kotetsu shivered, "Ew. That's kinda creepy to even think of. A man of his age practically conning young women to,"

Genma said, "Stop right there. That's a picture I don't want to envision."

Kotetsu said, "I don't like the sounds of his advice. He can keep it."

Genma said, "Yeah, I'm not even going to try what that letch suggests. Lie to women? Then when they find out how we really are, I'm pretty sure we're going to get a whole hell of a lot more than slapped."

Kotetsu said, "Yeah, I can see massive beatings that would probably result in restraining orders."

Kakashi spoke up, "So this is what it's come down to. Jiraiya is a no."

Kotetsu and Genma both nodded, and said, "No."

Kakashi said, "Right. Well then, all the advice that every single man has given us has backfired on us. We've almost been killed a few times,"

Genma said, "And you've been slapped more than usual."

Kakashi said, "I seem to remember you getting it a few times too smart guy."

Kotetsu said, "We're still not getting anywhere. All the advice we got we tried and nothing worked. There's got to be something we're missing. Why the hell is it we were dating easily before our individual dry spells descended, and now nothing works?"

Genma rolled his senbon and said, "I don't get it either. It used to be so easy and now it's like we have the plague. What are we doing wrong?"

That's when all three turned when they heard a voice coming from behind them say, "You're all trying to hard, losers." Sasuke had walked up behind them and heard most of their conversation.

As soon as Kakashi laid eye on Sasuke, a gigantic megawatt light bulb went off in his mind. Who was it who increased the kunoichi enrollment at the academy? Sasuke did! Who was it who had throngs of women throwing themselves at him his whole life? Sasuke did! Who was tripping over women everywhere he turned? Sasuke was! He may be quite their junior, but there was something about Sasuke that just worked. Kakashi jumped into action and said, "Sasuke. Hey. We've got some questions for you."

Kotetsu and Genma caught on almost immediately and the three descended upon Sasuke who backed up a step and said, "What is this? I knew I should have kept my mouth shut."

Kakashi said, "It's ok, we just need some answers to a few questions."

Sasuke sighed and looked at the ground and began in an impassive angry voice, "Haven't we been through all this a million times before? I defeated Orochimaru, I whacked Itachi and I'm back here because I want to be here. Do I have to explain myself again?"

Kakashi said, "No, that's not it at all. Now this is going to sound really weird coming from me and these two knuckleheads,"

Kotetsu said, "Hey!"

Genma just went with it and said, "I resemble that remark."

Kakashi said, "You came in on our conversation and said, we're trying too hard. Is that what you do? You don't even try, and the women just come crawling out of the woodwork for you?"

Sasuke said, "That's part of it, but if you ask me, you guys have more problems than just that."

Kotetsu, Genma and Kakashi all looked at each other. _THEM_ have problems? _THEM?_ Ok, they did have problems, but they were pretty much unaware of what they actually were. Kakashi finally said, "Care to elaborate?"

Sasuke said, "It's pretty easy, all three of you are freaks and girls pretty much don't like freaks."

The three members stared at him in disbelief! How could they be freaks? They were _cool_, they were _awesome_, and they were _frikking_ _hot dammit!_ Freaks are not hot!

Sasuke saw the confusion on their faces and said, "Let me break this down for you in simple terms."

Kotetsu shot in, "Yeah, Genma needs simple terms." Kakashi chucked as Genma kicked Kotetsu.

Sasuke continued, "Freaks all of you." He pointed to Kakashi and said, "Porn freak," to Genma, "Senbon in the mouth freak," to Kotetsu, "Lives with a guy freak."

"HUH?" All three said in unison?

Sasuke said, "Come on Kakashi, everyone in the whole village knows you're addicted to porn. A lot of women have trouble with that – as if you'd be comparing them to what you're reading or something. Genma, why would a woman want to get within two feet of you when you have a seven inch metal weapon in your mouth all the time? And Kotetsu, you work and LIVE with another guy. You guys spend an awful lot of time together; therefore everybody thinks you're gay."

Kotetsu said, "Again with the gay? I have a ROOMMATE, not a LIFEMATE! JEEZ!"

Sasuke said, "Try and remember when you weren't so freaky. Go back to where your proverbial dry spells began. What did you start doing different? What I'm trying to say is quit trying so hard, and try and remember what you were like before you weren't so freaky. In other words – be yourselves; don't take anybody else's advice."

Realization came to the three members. They all got lost in their own individual thoughts as they tried to remember what was different before when they were dating, as compared to now.

Sasuke turned away from them and said, "Good at least you're thinking. Just stop trying so hard, and be yourselves for crying out loud. Oh yeah, and if that doesn't work,"

The three members looked at him as he left. He called over his shoulder, "Ignore them. They won't leave you alone if you do that. That drives them nuts."

The three members wanted to bow down and thank Sasuke, for he was the newly crowned master, the enlightened highly exalted king of dating; even though he never seemed to date anyone himself.

Kotetsu was first to speak after Sasuke left. He said, "I'm going to do it."

Genma said, "What finally admit you're gay?"

Kotetsu shot him a look and said, "No asshole, I'm going to quit trying so hard. If I see a girl I'm interested in, I'm just going to go say hi, maybe compliment her on something and that's it. If she doesn't like me for me, then that's ok."

Genma said, "Like you for you huh? Maybe I need to put the senbon in my wrist holder when I'm talking to girls. Maybe make them not fear being stabbed in the neck if I try and kiss them."

Kotetsu said, "Very good point indeed. What about you Kakashi?"

Kakashi said, "I am who I am, and I've been this way my whole life. I'm not going to change who I am, or what I am. But I am going to stop trying so hard, and maybe even try ignoring them a little bit. That Sasuke. I can't believe I didn't think of adding him to the list at the beginning. We could have talked to him first, and not gone through all this."

Genma said, "Yeah, and your face wouldn't be so bruised from all the slapping."

Kakashi pointed at Genma and said, "And he's still a dick."

The three members sat there for a moment contemplating, and thinking for once that it really didn't matter so much that they didn't have dates all the time. If they found a girl they liked, they'd ask her out. If she said yes, then good. If not, hey, that's one more they won't ask again. And they were all ok with that.

Kotetsu said, "Hey, why don't we go out tonight and toast our newfound attitudes. I remember from the bulletin board that there's a band playing tonight. Let's go have a few drinks later and celebrate our quitting being so desperate."

Genma said, "Sounds good. Kakashi?"

Kakashi said, "Sure. 9:00?"

Kotetsu and Genma said, "Right." And the three members went to their respective homes a little smarter than before, with new attitudes toward women and dating, and how to avoid slapping at all costs.

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**A/N:** There! Ok? You like? Review please! One more chapter to go. So all you folks who don't review a story until it's finished - get your little fingers ready!

Next up: The three members go out together to celebrate their new found un-desperate-ness. Will Sasuke's advice help them? See you soon!


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** Hi again. Time to wrap it up. So, will the guys start being normal again? Will they quit taking all the advice they were given? Time to find out - enjoy!

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Kotetsu and Genma arrived at the club right around 9:00. Kakashi arrived shortly thereafter with no book. Kotetsu and Genma noticed right away, "No book Kakashi? Taking Sasuke's advice after all?"

Kakashi said, "Just shut up and let's go inside already. Kotetsu, I thought I'd see you here in leather chaps with the butt cheeks cut out tonight."

Kotetsu said, "Hatake I am so beating your ass."

Kakashi said, "At least I don't have to look at yours."

Genma said, "Alright boys and I use that term loosely, let's just go listen to some music. And if some women happen to look interesting, we'll just act normally."

Kakashi said, "There is no normal for you Genma."

Genma said, "Oh some dick factor showing up now Kakashi! You fuck. Why the hell were you late this time anyway?"

Kakashi said, "If you must know, I had to make a call. I'm here now. Let's go."

The three reforming members entered the club and headed to the bar to get a drink to just take it easy, listen to a local band and take a day off from desperate girl chasing.

The band began playing at 10:00. Each of the members had had a drink a piece and then ordered a second to have while they enjoyed the band for a while. Kakashi kept looking at his watch, tempting the other two members to question what he was doing. The band had started, so what was he waiting for? No matter, they were there to relax and enjoy.

Kotetsu tried to shout over the band, "HEY! I've got to go drain the lizard."

Genma shouted, "WHAT? Who's in pain from a wizard?"

Kotetsu just shook his head and pointed in the direction of the restroom, and Genma nodded. And that was the last Genma saw of Kotetsu that night. Meanwhile, Kakashi looked at his watch.

The bar got busy as more patrons came in to enjoy the music, so when Genma tried to get a third drink, he had to actually go to a second bar that was located further away from the stage. It wasn't as busy as the main bar, so he decided to go there instead. He tried to tell Kakashi his intentions, but Kakashi was looking at his watch again, so he just motioned that he was going somewhere. Kakashi just nodded and looked at the band.

Genma made his way to the second bar that was less inhabited. He sat in a chair toward the end and waited, watching the band, for a bartender to make their way over to him. He felt a tap on his arm, he turned and after a startled intake of breath, he yelled, "YOU! You're the woman at the table, from the woman's rally! Oh shit, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I'll just be leaving now."

The woman called out to him, "Will you just wait a minute? I work here, this is my regular job. I was at the rally helping people pass out fliers and stuff. Sure I believe in equal rights for women, but my God I'm not a fanatic. So just keep your pants on. What can I get you to drink?"

Genma thought, _Keep my pants on – hey that's my line! _He said, "Ok, I guess I'll have a draft then." The girl smiled at him and went to get him his draft. Genma sat there a minute and said to himself, _she doesn't want to kill me. I just figured since we were there, and everyone else wanted to kill us, she would too. I'm glad she doesn't want me dead._

The girl came back and handed him his draft, and said, "This one's on me. They treated you guys a little rough at the rally. That was kind of mean."

"Yeah, but if you honestly want to know why we were there, we were following some dumb advice another guy we work with gave us and we,"

She interrupted him, "You were the guy with the cologne right? That was you!"

"No, I wasn't SPRAYING it; I just brought it with me so I'd smell nice for the ladies."

She said, "I got a passing whiff of that stuff that day, and please, do me a favor,"

"Sure."

She looked him in the eye and said, "For my sake and the sake of all women kind, don't ever wear it again. In fact, call the toxic waste people and get them to seal it in a drum and bury it." Genma laughed. He liked this girl. He took his senbon out of his mouth and put it in his wrist holder, wanting to ask this girl a few more questions about herself, while all the time, just being himself.

- - -

Kakashi looked at his watch again. He thought_ no use wasting any more time, might as well read for a bit._ He reached in the pocked inside his jacket and took out his Icha Icha book and began reading it. He casually drank his drink, read his favorite book and listened to some pretty good music. It was a good evening for him, until he felt someone sit down next to him. He slowly looked over his book to see a very curvy athletic woman sitting next to him looking at his book. She said, "Hi. So you're my date tonight?"

Kakashi immediately felt a little self-conscious about reading a porn magazine in front of the girl he'd called from the singles add he'd swiped from the billboard before Genma could. He was just surprised she showed up at all. And she was late too. Still, she showed up, so he thought he'd better say something. "Yeah, it's me. Glad you could make it. Sorry about reading, I was just passing the time,"

"With Icha Icha?"

Kakashi turned slightly red under his mask. He said, "Yeah?"

She said, "Is that the new one? I haven't read that one yet. Where'd you get it?"

Kakashi was so shocked that he was afraid his eye might shoot right out of his head and kill the girl. He thought _a gorgeous woman who reads Icha Icha! I think I'm in love!_ So he began to tell her how he'd gotten his latest copy as a gift from one of his former students before it was even released to the public. After they talked a while, Kakashi had to ask her, "Kunai skills. You were interested in someone with incredible stamina and kunai skills. Why kunai skills?"

His date smiled at him and said, "Well, if we hit it off together, you'll need something to cut yourself loose with." Kakashi smiled inside and decided he probably was in love. Tonight had been a good evening, and now it was an incredible evening.

- - -

During all the fracas of going to "drain the lizard" Kotetsu waded through seas of people trying to get to the restroom. He'd almost reached the restroom, but in the process, he ran into a small woman and practically knocked her flying. He helped steady her saying, "I am so sorry! I'm just being a klutzy ox today. I'm usually not this careless, please accept my aplo," and he stopped just like that. He said, "You. You're the cleaning lady that was at my house, well mine and my roommate's house the other day. Oh, shit. I almost knocked you over today and I made you uncomfortable the other day. I apologize, oh man, just please don't have me arrested!"

The girl started to giggle at his sincere attempts to apologize. Kotetsu just looked at her and she said to him, "It's ok, it's ok. Really! I'm not hurt, and the other day, I was pretty pissed at you, but that was days ago. But come on, really, calling a cleaning service to lure a girl to your "love shack?" I've heard it all now." The girl laughed a little more.

Kotetsu decided to just come out and tell the truth about it. He said, "I know it was dumb, but at the time it seemed like something good to try. I have been completely dateless for five months now so my two loser friends and I went around seeking advice from other guys, or shall I say, "Idiots" we worked with. Long story short, calling the cleaning service was one we came up with. Again, I apologize. Is there any way I can apologize enough?"

Again the girl started to laugh. She said, "You're fine. I accept your apology." She paused for a moment and looked him in the face – his absolutely sincere face – and she said, "You can make it up to me if you buy me a drink."

Kotetsu said, "I'd love to, but the whole reason I was body checking people was because I was headed to the restroom and I haven't made it there yet. If you'll wait here for me, I'll be right back, and I'd love to buy you that drink."

The girl looked at him and said, "Ok, you go ahead and I'll wait right here."

Kotetsu said, "Alright, I'll be right back." He went to the restroom, only almost knocking over two more people, did his business, the whole time praying the girl would still be there when he got back, washed up and went back out. And to his absolute surprise, there she was, leaning against a wall waiting for him. He went to the bar with her and got her that apology drink.

The rest of the night, the three recovering members of the losers club talked and acted like themselves with three very nice young women. They behaved like gentlemen, except Genma; because the girl he was talking to was every bit as naughty as he was he came to find out. Kakashi's date was trying to get him to lend her his copy of Icha Icha, but they compromised and said that if they had a second date, that he would "read her some." As for Kotetsu, he danced all night with the girl who cleaned his bathroom.

By the end of the night, the three recovering members left the club, phone numbers in hand, and promises of dates in the future with women that they actually acted like themselves around. The dry spell was officially ended, and they would take no more advice from anyone but themselves, or maybe Sasuke.

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**A/N: **All done! My first stab at comedy. So what did you think? Review please! I may do another one in the future if I get some favorable responses. Thanks a lot for reading and thanks to those of you who have and will review. Until next time, see you soon!


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